I heard recently that Daisy Coleman, who was in the 2016 documentary Audrie & Daisy, had died by suicide. I had first watched the film a couple of years ago, but I thought I’d watch it again and write a post about it in honour of Daisy. Rape culture was a problem then, and it’s a problem now. Change is long overdue.
Audrie
Audrie & Daisy begins with the story of 15-year-old Audrie Potts. She was sexually assaulted by three boys while drunk and passed out at a party. They had drawn lewd messages on her body with markers. Photos were taken of her during the incident and circulated amongst students at her school in Saratoga, California. Audrie became the target of slut-shaming at school.
Eight days later, a distraught Audrie called her mom to pick her up from school. When they get home, Audrie went to her bedroom, and when her mom next checked on her, she was dead.
Daisy
At age 14, Daisy Coleman was reportedly sexually assaulted while drunk and passed out at a party in Maryville, Missouri. She was then dumped on the lawn outside her house half-naked in freezing weather. One of the boys allegedly recorded a video, but authorities never did end up recovering it. Matthew Barnett, who was a member of a high-profile local family, was arrested.
The sheriff
Nodaway County Sheriff Darren White appeared in an interview for the film. He is quite the disgusting specimen of a human being. Unfortunately, he’s running for sheriff again in the election later this year.
Here are some rape culture-infused words that seem to be spoken straight from his ass rather than his mouth.
“You know, unfortunately, you have a lot of people involved in this that are running around, telling a lot of stories. Um, you know, and without pointing fingers, um, it… it serves to benefit people’s causes by making a lot of things up that really didn’t happen and really doesn’t exist. Don’t underestimate the need for attention, especially young girls. There’s a lot of pressure on young girls in our society to be pretty, to be liked, to be the popular one. It’s not fair, but it’s how our society works.”
“One of the parts that people have really blown out of proportion in this entire case is that everybody wants to throw the word rape out there. It’s very popular, the rape, the Maryville rape, the Coleman rape. Nothing that occurred that night ever, ever rose to the level of the elements of the crime.”
“And this is one of the, one of the real fatal flaws in our society is that it’s always, it’s always the boys, and it’s not always the boys, the girls… Girls have as much, much culpability in this world in this world as boys do, so you know everyone has to take their part of it and everybody has to do better.”
The interviewer points out that crimes were committed by boys, and he raised his eyebrows and responds “were they?”
The aftermath
The local prosecutor dropped the charges against the boys. It was only after a special prosecutor was later brought in that Matthew Barrett pleaded guilty to a misdemeanour charge and got 2 years probation.
Daisy’s mother reported that the family received threats and she was fired from her job. They had moved and listed their house in Maryville for sale, but it was burned down, and the fire department was unable to determine a cause. In the new home, Daisy’s mother said that all of the doors upstairs were broken because they’d been kicked in when Daisy had tried to overdose.
Daisy was an active advocate for sexual abuse survivors, and she was a cofounder of the advocacy organization SafeBAE. The SafeBAE website mentioned that she’d been getting EMDR therapy for the past two years, trying to heal from her trauma. She took her own life on August 4, 2020.
Roll Red Roll
Roll Red Roll is a documentary that tells the story of Jane Doe, who was sexually assaulted by two star high school football players while drunk and passed out. This occurred in 2012 in Steubenville Ohio, a football-crazed town. There was evidence up the ying yang from everything that was circulated on social media and via text message both during and after the incident. One of the players was eventually sentenced to a minimum of one year in juvenile detention, while the other who had taken photos was sentenced to a minimum of two years.
Rape culture was thriving in this town. It sounds like almost much the whole town was behind the rapists 100% right from the beginning, and victim-blaming was everyone’s go-to. Two female high school students interviewed for the film dove right into the victim-blaming:
- “She has to take responsibility for the choice she made to go to that party.”
- “When you put yourself in that situation, you have to take some responsibility for your actions.”
Lowering the bar for the legal profession
That paled in comparison to what the lawyer for one of the football players had to say. He suggested that if the girl and boy were both too drunk to give consent…
“…the question becomes, who raped who? The young lady admitted to drinking alcohol, she admitted to drinking a large cup of alcohol. While in the state where she can’t recall events, uh, the victim here gave access codes to her cellphone. Giving someone access to a phone is a form of consent. And this is not a victim-blame, but this young girl consented at one point in the evening to being in the company of these young boys. People would say it’s okay for this young woman to have made this choice, but the moment the choice was wrong, it’s not her fault anymore.”
I understand that defense lawyers have a job to do, but shit like this (known as a DARVO response) really doesn’t make the law profession look good. Anyone who thinks that giving out a cell phone code equates to consenting to have a penis shoved in one’s bodily orifice(s) doesn’t seem qualified to be a decent human being, much less a lawyer.
Rape culture isn’t okay
Rape culture is not okay. Victim-blaming is not okay. Our society needs to stop defending this behaviour.
Being drunk, or being unconscious, is not consent for sexual activity. And for people (like the men involved in these films) who think that it is, I wonder if they think that every time they go to the bar, they’re giving consent for a penis or other handy object (abusers aren’t always male, after all) to be stuck up their ass (an equal-opportunity orifice in this instance). Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if scum like Darren White are homophobic to boot, and funny how that can make a difference.
Rape culture leads to trauma, which leads to loss of quality of life, or loss of life entirely. It’s too late for Audrie and Daisy, but we need to stop letting society do this. And it’s not just the perpetrators; it’s rape culture that permits it. This is everyone’s problem.
The Social Justice & Equality page has info and resources on a wide variety of social issues.
There are no words for this! I’m boiling right now! 😡🤬
Yes, it’s so horrible.
It is everyone’s problem. It’s dispicable! Had it not been for the media coverage, we would likely see them run for public office in the future. The complicity for stuff like this is quite sickening.
It truly is.
People keep talking about what women need to do to stay safe, but how about teaching boys not to be predators?
Exactly.
God this is heartbreaking, I’m nearly crying 😢
It’s so disturbing that this is the world we live in.
I’m heart broken over the loss of daisy. I just don’t understand our society and how is always the survivors fault.
It’s such a warped way of thinking.
Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do with all the rage.
Yup.
🙁
It is disgusting how the justice system treats the women.
They are already a victim, then in front of a grand jury they repeat the rape if front of people they don’t even know.
Then in the trial abused again many times to where the victim is brought to tears.
Statements like “oh she wanted it”, “look at how she was dressed”, so much more.
Before all that they go through a horrific exam at the hospital. Yes, it is for the victim’s benefit. For some it is of no avail for they shower because they felt so dirty. They didn’t know not to for that information is not out there readily to find.
Yes, it really is disgusting.
I am shocked that that kind of thinking still exists TODAY. I thought (obviously mistakenly) that we’d gotten past the blame game in rape cases, particularly those of vulnerable women. Of course one should take responsibility for one’s own actions, but an expectation of safety when in a group of alleged friends isn’t out of bounds. I’m horrified that the woman who was so strong and did all those amazing things because of her own story, chose to die this long after. But I think that rape has long lasting effects on the victim, their families, and close friends of the victim. Sometimes the pain is just too great to bear.
I think people really underestimate the enduring effects, perhaps because they don’t care, or perhaps they just don’t want to think about it.
So very very sad for those girls/women. Totally violated in every way imaginable. I can’t even begin to understand but it is outrageous that there are excuses for human beings that would support such evil and destructive behaviour. They are no better. Unforgivable. Thanks for the post in Daisy’s honour.
It’s very outrageous. How anyone could feel compelled to blame rather than support them is totally beyond me.
Me too. Beggars belief
I got chills reading this, especially the aftermath. How can that lawyer live with himself?!?!
I truly have no idea.
Yes, because young girls need attention of this sort🤮 I am so terribly saddened to read this yet I know how important it is to be written about and called out. At 42 years old I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t been harassed sexually or worse….mostly worse unfortunately. Including myself. This kind of treatment and outcome gor women is beyond repulsive. Too many enablers and bystanders in this. I always say the most horrendous crimes in this country and around the world is sexual assault, abuse, trafficking and the like. Mostly to include the powerful and wealthy. The net needs to be cast wide and deep. Thank you for writing about this my friend.
Yes, there are a lot of people that really need to bee held to account for all of this.
With police and defence lawyers like that, it makes complete sense why many victims don’t report.
In my country, even in CSA family cases, defence lawyers have blamed the child victim, eg by saying they’re lying to get revenge on their perpetrator for ‘disciplining’ them.
Every few months, some adult cases go viral because judges themselves let the perpetrators off remarkably easily, citing their “bright future”. It’s a Singaporean meme at this point that being a university student allows you to film women showering.
That’s so disgusting.
yup.
It’s terrible how misogyny is so ingrained into our society. I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of Dr Jessica Taylor, she does a lot of work on victim blaming. I really want to read her book “Why Women are Blamed for Everything.”
I hadn’t heard of her – I’ll have to check her out!
Nope, when you’re drunk you can’t consent. That’s it.
Are legal documents still legal when signed under pressure or when you’re totally on drugs? I think it doesn’t work that way. You need to prove it and go through hoops maybe but I know someone who sold his house in a drunk state for a ridiculous price and that was made illegal after a procedure and the buyer didn’t get the house ‘almost for free’.
I can go to a party. I can have a drink. When someone spikes my drink, I’m not suddenly all in for the sex. Let’s be real here. When I drink too much without anyone trying to get me drunk. Yes, I’ve made a choice to have a glass too much and still no talking about sex here! Fact is that you need to be careful and try to look out for yourself. That doesn’t give anyone the right to take advantage of that.
I’ve seen a documentary on one of the girls who lost her life. It’s so so sad.
It truly is. And I agree, making a choice about one thing doesn’t mean automatic consent to something else.