Identity and relationships

What Is It That Makes You, You?

What is it that makes you, you? - graphic of the words "I am" filled with stars and moons

I’ve written about this before in more general terms (What Does the Self Consist of?), but in this post I’ll try to get a little more specific.

I think a major part of the foundation of who any of us is is the sum of our life experiences.  No one else has had the exact same combination of life experiences; that’s unique to each of us.  Memories of each individual event aren’t going to be retained, but there’s still a wealth of other knowledge and skills that we accumulate throughout our lives.

We’re all influenced by our social environment, and I think in addition to early childhood, the transition to adulthood is quite a significant time.  For myself, my university experience had a huge impact on the adult that I became.  I went to a large university with a lot of international students, and it was a very culturally diverse place.  I was pretty open-minded already, but had grown up in a small town where I wasn’t exposed to much.  That exposure came in university, and it was also the time when I caught the travel bug.  I’ve seen firsthand that there are many different ways of living life, and that’s really shaped the attitude that I bring to my own way of life.

While our interests don’t define us, they can certainly reflect who we are.  I’ve also been interested in learning, and that’s an important part of what makes me, me. My formal schooling may be finished, but without ongoing learning what’s the point of anything?  Aside from that, in the past, I would have been more inclined to say that my interests, particularly travelling, were part of what made me, me.  Now blogging takes up a lot of my time and gives me a sense of purpose, but I don’t feel like it’s a fundamental part of who I am.

Values may shift over time, but the core values can be important reflections of who we are.  I wouldn’t be the same person if I didn’t believe that we as a society have an obligation to support the less fortunate among us.

Of course, personality traits shape who we are, with some playing a more defining role than others.  For me, introversion is a huge part of who I am, although it’s only in the last few years that it’s swung to such an extreme.

I don’t feel like my illness is part of what makes me, me.  I’ve talked about this before, but the fact that my illness didn’t make an appearance until my late 20s helps me to have a clear separation of what is me and what is illness.  The illness is a skin glued onto me that isn’t going anywhere, but it doesn’t make me who I am.  If anything, it acts as a barrier to being who I am.

Being a nurse has been an important role identity for me, but I don’t see it as part of what makes me, me, although I might have thought differently about that a few years ago.  What I would say, though, is that it was a natural fit for the empathy and desire to help others that are more integral parts of me.

So, that’s a bit about what makes me, me.  What makes you, you?

You can find more posts about identity on the blog index.

Reflecting on Powerful Words guided journal cover from Mental Health @ Home

The Reflecting on Powerful Words guided journal matches amazing quotes from people like Maya Angelou and Winston Churchill with prompt questions that relate to each quote as well as beautiful images.  It’s available free on the MH@H Store.

44 thoughts on “What Is It That Makes You, You?”

  1. I agree with everything you stated. I also think who were are is fluid depending on the situation or who were are interacting with. I know i am more confident in different situations as an example

  2. I believe in being kind and in helping others. I am always on the look out for something new to discover, I love learning. I like things that are aesthetically pleasing. I am enthusiastic and I (almost) never give up. This can be seen as stubbornness but that is your choice to make 🙂 I like people who are non-judgmental as I also try not to judge others. Some people call me naive, I call myself curious and amazed with everything I encounter or see. I am an introvert too, a feeler who thinks too much.
    If I were single, I would make this my profile 😂 as it is all true but I doubt anyone would understand it!
    As for ‘identity’ I’m still searching as I’ve encountered some shifts the past years.

  3. Interesting. I feel my illnesses do make me me. I would be a different person if I hadn’t developed anorexia and/or migraines. They shaped my actions and attitudes, and influenced my behaviors and paths. I would have had different experiences without them, different memories, different attitudes right now.

  4. I believe in reincarnation, and in a past life that I know of, there are a lot of carryovers into this life. Like how I can’t play piano without my little fingers going up, and whenever I pick up a drink, I tend to toast people with my little finger out. It’s a habit I can’t break. And so much of my past life just resonates with who I am as to be uncanny. I believe the soul evolves over many lifetimes, and that we come into a given life with a certain goal. In my last lifetime that I know all this stuff about, I mastered gratitude. In this lifetime, I’m trying to master self-worth. Fun blog post!!

  5. I must be trapped between the true person I am, i.e. what others see me as real testimony of the byproduct of all those very different life experiences I’ve curated, and whatever the hell DNA is worth, and the bloke I’m trying to be. Honestly, it’s difficult most days trying to figure out which one I’m most like. I though I had this figured out … 😊

  6. My brain is smoking I’m thinking so hard……..I’m glad your illness does not define you
    I think the longest thread within me is that I’m rebellious and always looking for ways to unravel “what is”…….ways to bend the rules

  7. Great post and we have many similarities. I would say that my illness, while it may not make me me, it does have an impact on something somewhere (though I’m not sure what that would be at the moment). Basically, I agree, it’s this thing called openness and in having culturally diverse experiences that help us to be who we are. I also feel that my college experience was integral to who I am today. I was always interested in doing the right thing, and college brought a lot of that out in me.

  8. Probably not a great day for me to answer that feeling the way I do lol. Still a good read here though and I’ll try to think more about this when I’m feeling a bit more like me.

  9. That’s lovely – I really related to you on not being exposed to much growing up, but then attending a very large university and putting myself out there a lot more, not just with education but the experiences. Sometimes, I think I’m still trying to figure out what all makes me “me.” But I think history (military history especially) is a big part of me! As is travel and writing 🙂

  10. Off-topic: You can use reusable blocks in WordPress :O

    On-topic: I don’t really know what makes me “myself”. I think I’m still trying to discover/rebuild/create “who I am”, and I expect that my identities will evolve and shift as I grow older. Right now I still see trauma as part of “me” because I don’t recall a “me” before the abuse and all that… but I expect that as I heal, that will drop away. For example, I love videogames and now I know I love D&D, so that’ll make me a “gamer”… I think my core identity would be around my personal values however.

    1. I can see how trauma would be hard to detach from identity when it’s always been there.

      I use the old WP editor. I tried the block editor and wasn’t a fan.

  11. Still learning who I am…so not really sure.
    I wish often I had the ability to see myself through others eyes, instead of just my own, as my own eyes just seen to see all the bad.

    1. It was on the opposite side of the country from me. It’s strange to have something tragic like this happen at a time when everything’s been so one-track corona, corona, corona.

  12. Agreed… more than that , I think how I react to my environment and think about things I didn’t expect and the composure I assume at the moment defines me. Also the fixation I get towards something and the turn around when my assumptions were wrong.

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