The Black Woman’s Guide to Overcoming Domestic Violence by Shayonne J. Moore-Lobran and Robyn L. Gobin offers support for women who are or have been in abusive relationships while taking into account cultural factors within the Black community. Being neither a Black woman nor someone who’s experienced domestic violence, I’m not the target audience for this book, but I wanted to read and review it because I think it’s the kind of thing that’s important to put out there into the world.
The book begins with information about domestic violence. It addresses common myths like the idea that you should be able to just leave an abusive relationship or that sexual abuse can’t happen within an intimate relationship.
There’s a chapter devoted to why it can be very hard to leave abusive relationships; it covers abuse and control dynamics as well as emotions that can get in the way of leaving, such as fear, shame, and embarrassment. Other topics that the book addresses include building a sense of safety, learning how to trust oneself and others, being vulnerable, cultivating self-esteem, and letting go of shame and guilt. There are also tips on dealing with new relationships after abuse.
The authors discuss some of the unique challenges faced by Black women experiencing domestic violence. They write, “We are expected to be strong, self-sacrificing, and display no emotional distress in the face of daily life stress. Trained up from an early age, we become skilled at putting on a happy face, hiding our struggles and vulnerabilities, suppressing our emotions, and neglecting our own needs to help and protect others.” The expectation to be a “Strong Black Woman” can make people feel like they need to try to persevere and not seek help.
There may be pressure within the community, including within faith groups, to stay silent and endure hardships. Women seeking support from their pastor may find themselves subtly blamed or encouraged to stay with the abuser. Black women may also have learned that it’s not safe to trust the police, and they may be concerned that their Black abuser might not receive fair treatment in the criminal justice system.
The authors encourage readers to seek therapy. They acknowledge that women may have received messaging that faith in God is all they need to get through hardships, but they explain that spirituality and therapy can be complementary, and “going to therapy doesn’t mean you’re failing your faith.” The book also explores a variety of other strategies that can promote healing.
The final chapter is aimed at friends, family, clergy, and other supportive women who’ve experienced domestic violence. It includes tips on how to be supportive and avoid things like victim-blaming that only make things worse.
This book struck me as taking quite an empowering approach. It addressed a lot of barriers, both internal and external, that women who’ve experienced domestic violence are likely to face, and it offers strategies to help women work through them. Because it’s written by Black women for Black women, there’s an extra layer of cultural factors on top of the kind of information and strategies that are broadly appropriate for anyone who’s experienced domestic violence. There are journalling prompts throughout the book to explore the various concepts that are discussed and promote self-reflection.
I thought this book was well done, and I suspect that its target audience will feel like it speaks to them.
The Black Woman’s Guide to Overcoming Domestic Violence is available on Amazon (affiliate link).
I received a reviewer copy from the publisher through Netgalley.
You can find my other reviews on the MH@H book review index or on Goodreads.
You may also be interested in my blogging friend Jaimarie’s post 9 Ways to Heal After An Abusive Relationship.
Interesting parallels with abuse in the Orthodox Jewish community.
Oh that’s interesting.
I think that these kinds of books are incredibly important. I’ve known friends to pass around books like this with their friends or others in their community that might need it, being careful to keep it hidden from their partners.
It’s sad how many people there are who need books like this.
I am glad that therapy has been embraced in the black community now. For a long time, religion was therapy. They can coexist without canceling out the other. Thank you for sharing this review.
I was in an abusive relationship for almost 10 years.
Im starting to write about it on my blog, I sell personalised apparel to help support myself and my children. Please have a look.
Thank you
Books like this are so important within the black community. Many black women still feel ashamed to get therapy or counseling so books are a way to reach an audience that may try to hide themselves and their struggles.
Definitely.
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This guide is a powerful resource that addresses the complexities of domestic violence, especially for Black women. It empowers readers with both information and actionable steps toward healing and reclaiming their lives. The personal stories shared are particularly impactful, emphasizing resilience. It’s a reminder that just like in Bitlife , where choices shape our outcomes, seeking help and making informed decisions can lead to a better future. Thank you for shedding light on such an important issue!
This book sounds so important. It offers real support for Black women who are dealing with abuse and may feel alone in their experience. I came across an article from the Women of Color Network that talks about how many Black women face added challenges like being afraid to call the police, feeling pressure from faith communities to stay silent, or believing they have to be strong and deal with it alone. It’s sad that so many women go through this without the help they need. This book seems like a much-needed guide for those looking for strength, healing, and a way forward.
I recall a time when a friend, like the Slice Master with the perfect cake, meticulously concealed her hardships, believing strength meant silence. It’s crucial to recognize that vulnerability is not weakness but a pathway to recovery. This book shines a much-needed light on those challenges.
This book sounds incredibly insightful, addressing a critical issue with cultural sensitivity. It’s important to highlight resources like this. Navigating difficult situations can sometimes feel like an intense io games match, requiring strategy and resilience. Knowing where to find help and support is key to leveling up and overcoming challenges. I appreciate the focus on the unique experiences of Black women and the encouragement to seek therapy.
It reminds me of a time I saw a friend struggle to speak up about hardship due to social pressure. Just like in the connections game, where building bridges is key, supportive responses and therapy can truly help survivors find new paths to healing.
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The complexities of leaving an abusive relationship are intricately woven into the fabric of emotional struggles. My own experience of navigating a difficult friendship echoes the sentiments in the book, as I grappled with fear and shame—like a Level Devil taunting me. Awareness and conversation around such topics are crucial for breaking the cycle and finding safety.
Such a smart and necessary chapter! Guidance on how to support correctly is priceless. This helps rebuild harmony and healing. I must share this with everyone… oh, just let me finish this Geometry Dash level first!
I found the discussion on the unique challenges faced by Black women in abusive relationships particularly enlightening. It’s crucial to address cultural factors when tackling such sensitive issues. doodle baseball