You Got This: Face Your Fear, Find Your Confidence is the second book by Caroline Foran. I previous reviewed her first book Own It, which I was quite impressed with. In this book, she aims to turn your mental fear blocks into building blocks to boost your confidence.
The first part of the book gives background information on fear, confidence, and related concepts like perfectionism and impostor syndrome. Simple language is used to explain psychological theories, neuroscience, and research findings. The author explains why the comfort zone isn’t inherently a good place, and why there is an optimal anxiety level.
The second part of the book is the confidence-building toolkit. The first tool presented was stoicism, which I’ve seen a number of people writing about recently, although I’ve never taken the time to really look into it. My understanding of the author’s explanation is that it’s essentially being in the present without allowing ourselves to be swayed by the desire for pleasure or the desire to avoid pain. She acknowledges that some of what you might read about stoicism may trigger your bullsh*tometer; I always like it when someone is in tune with that kind of thing.
Some of the other tools include temptation bundling (pairing something you don’t want to do with something you do want ) and getting to the “fuck it moment” where you override your fear and do a task anyway.
While there’s nothing I can identify that’s “wrong” with this book, I felt a lot less engaged than I did with the author’s first book. It didn’t feel like she was quite as present in this book as she was in Own It. I don’t see any clear problems, and it’s quite possible that I wasn’t engaged because I wasn’t in a great place while reading it. My lack of engagement aside, I think this book could be quite useful for someone looking for some strategies to boost their confidence.
You Got This is available on Amazon (affiliate link).
I received a reviewer copy of this book from NetGalley.
You can find my other reviews on the MH@H book review index or on Goodreads.
Temptation bundling, that’s a new term for me. I try to apply that and it seems to work. I like to cook but I’m not good at grocery shopping, so I try to team them up in my head and go anyway.
I don’t know if I ever reached a ‘f*ck it-moment’. I opt for ‘I’m outta here’-moments’
Good review!
A well-timed “I’m outta here” is a strong move, especially if it’s paired with a fierce strut outta here.
Oh yes, I can do that!
🤩
Rewards and punishments are two sides of the same coin to us. If it’s not healthy to berate ourself for something, then we aren’t inclined to offer a treat either. We get that it’s a way for people to do things they don’t want to, but then they aren’t rewiring their fear/reluctance. They are just giving a cookie after. Not a long-term change, just a workaround. We’re not a huge fan of such “strategies.” It also seems incompatible with stoicism.
Stoicism sounds like consciousness, awareness, such as during certain meditation. That could be useful for when you want to calm shit down. Is that how the author means it? Or, other than giving yourself a reward for cleaning your room, are you never supposed to desire pleasure?
Thanks for the review!
It’s actually been a while since I read the book, but with the temptation pairing I don’t think think she was suggesting it in the form of a reward, but more along the lines of pairing an unpleasant task with a task that you enjoy.
As I said I’m not super familiar with stoicism, but I think it’s got a strong element of favouring logic and rationality, so while it incorporates present moment awareness it sounds fairly different from modern concepts of mindfulness.
Thanks for clarifying pairing. We don’t like clothes shopping so one time we got drunk and shopped. Next day, Spouse made us look at what we had bought: the ugliest crap you ever saw lol. Returned it all, sober.
Stoicism sounds eerie, twilight zone eerie. Everything we have read about surviving flashbacks, difficult emotions, etc., says you can’t think your emotions or think your way to mental health. Learning helps of course. So apparently does feeling human emotions. Thanks for the info
Stoicism as a philosophy began back in the Ancient Greek days, and where it was most effective was in helping emperors like Marcus Aurelius stay focused in their decision/making.
We would love if tv commercials were just logic. “Buy this $48,000 car because…um, well, just buy it”
Fun times!
Haha, just realized Marcus Aurelius was Roman, not Greek, but apparently he was a stoic.
Your next blog post title?
Stoicism: From Greek to chic
Lol
Interesting! I appreciate that they are many ways of writing and looking at things as there’s no “one size fits all” approach to anything.
For sure.
I’m always sceptical about 2nd, 3rd and 4th books. Feels like a money making scheme after the first genuine success.
Good point.
Great review Ashley and you’ve helped me decide – it’s not something I’d read. I’m glad she acknowledges that some of what you might read about stoicism may trigger your bullsh*tometer; It did just that 😉
And as for “temptation bundling”, it all sounds a but too far out for me.
I don’t know if stoicism is actually like this, but it seems a bit too ignore-your-feelings-ish for my liking.