Weekend Wrap-Up

I’ve been home from hospital since Thursday. The time has passed very strangely for me as I’ve been recovering from sleep deprivation after going two nights in a row with no sleep at all, and last night was the first one I slept on a reasonably normal schedule.

I feel very confused, like there are a lot of things I need to do – not do right away, but come up with a system to keep track of it all. I think part of the issue is that the way I relate to the world now that I’m home is different from how I related to the world while in hospital, and I have to sort that out in my head, including shifting my journalling from the system I was using in hospital back to my regular journalling system.

During my last couple days in hospital, I discovered that a fellow patient who generally didn’t talk much was actually a fellow travel lover that I had a ton to talk about with. He also had some horror stories from his experiences with the world of psychiatry, and it really bugs me that so many of us have those kinds of stories.

It’s very nice to be home with the piggoos again, and they’re very happy to be getting a steady supply of fresh veggies.

I fucked something up badly in my sleep-deprived state. I’m not going to get into what it was, but it was 100% me being an idiot (not in a cognitive distortion black & white thinking sense, but in a purely objective reality sense). The natural (and entirely appropriate) consequence of my own stupid actions doesn’t feel very good, but I really should have thought of that before being a dumbass.

I picked up my hospital discharge prescription from the pharmacy. The hospital psychiatrist ordered it to be dispensed only one week at a time, which is a bit silly, since I already have about a 2 1/2 month supply at home of three of my meds, and I told him that.

The support of everyone in the blogging community lately has been truly amazing. It’s meant the world to me to have all of you in my corner. It’s really helped to keep me going. You’re all wonderful, and I appreciate you so much. ❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖

Earlier this week, my friend Caz of Invisibly Me wrote about how people with chronic pain are being harmed by the way health care practitioners are handling the opioid crisis. There’s a petition on the UK Parliament site calling on NICE (National Institute for Health and Care Excellence) to review the guidelines for the treatment of chronic pain. If you like in the UK, you can sign the petition here.

My friend Ami of Undercover Superhero is involved in the production of the Scope Disability Awards in the UK. You can read more on the blog post of Ami’s I’ve linked to, and you can nominate someone here.

Casper hanging out in the hay
Toffee and Brownie – they’re not really babies anymore, but I still think of them as the babies.

How has your week been?

59 thoughts on “Weekend Wrap-Up”

  1. Happy to read that you are home and reconnecting to things when you are ready, Ashley. As I looked at the pics of the piggies, I kept saying “awwww!” out loud. Fluff balls of love. So sweet. ♥️

  2. Glad to see that you’re slowly adjusting again. It’s hard to get back, especially when you know things need to be different than to how they were before… The piggoos look very happy and content! That’s a big plus.
    I’m sorry about the f*ck up you made. Having made several myself, I know it’s hard to bounce back from some of them. But I hope you’re able to do so, given time and anything else you may need to do so.
    Wishing you a lovely Sunday 🌸 🌈

  3. That is really sad to hear there are many disturbing stories about psychiatry treatment. So glad you navigated your way out. I suspect that you might have a book in the future about that.

    So fun to see your fur babies! Sending lots of good thoughts that your sleep and adjustment get you back to a good rhythm!

  4. It’s always hard to adjust back to the “real world” once you’ve been out of it for a while, especially when sleep is all messed up. Hopefully you have an easier transition once you’re back on track. That’s really dumb that they’ll only give you a small supply at a time..that would piss me off too.
    Glad you’re home and safe. 💙

  5. You asked how my week was? I will say a shit ton better than YOURS (save for your getting to come home) even with my cataract surgery. It’s great. Now to get the other eye so I can actually SEE. Wondrous. 🙂 I have a bloggin’ buddy on WP, Glyn (who you’ll see commenting on my posts most days). Glyn has ankylosing spondylitis, a chronic condition of gradual bone fusion (in the spine) and spreading to other bones (rib cage for example)..anyway. He has had a bugger of a time with getting proper care through the NHS (He lives in Cornwall, England). He said the pain med regime was frustrating and the workers incompetent (my term, not his). ANYWAY. I’m directing him to that link you provided. I bet he’ll sign that petition if he hasn’t already.

    It’s fucked up that in this day and age, medical advances, more science about things we didn’t previously understand well and so forth, that Covid (that’s what I blame anyway) turned what used to be a workable system (over here .. it wasn’t great, but one could find a person or two that still cared about doing a great job at being a carer) into a traffic jam on the freeway of life. And to hear that the NHS (which I greatly admired, and thought Obama’s efforts to get our own version was one of the better decisions America’s “leaders’ have made in the past thirty or so years) has broken apart TOO and gained the apathy seen over here. What the hell happened?? Sorry about the soapbox on your comments..

    1. I’m glad the surgery went well!

      I think that’s a very worthy soapbox to get on. There are a lot of people in positions of power doing a whole lot of harm out there, especially to vulnerable people.

  6. So glad you’re home in your comfy cozy nest with your cuddly friends! My doc will only Rx me 10 valium at a time now, which is super annoying, but what can you do? I feel if I could take them more regularly I’d get better sleep, but I make do. Sleep deprivation is a horrible thing though!

  7. It makes sense that you’d feel some adjustment and need to transition to being back home. I am happy that you’re back (and these photos of the guinea pigs are adorable!)

    In my world, I had a job interview that went well. Also, totally unrelated, I continue to make a fool out of myself on the internet for entertainment value (I posted another parody music video collab). I think that’s basically the highlights of my life right there.

  8. Give yourself time, to get back into your routine. You have only just caught up with your sleep.

    I am another that will go awww when I see your guinea pigs.

    You know of my incident this past week, thar I couldn’t even believe happened, so not go there with it here.

    But I have been enjoying my walks around the res. I plan to do the same tomorrow morning and Thursday morning, after morning job. Taking a mid snack to eat while on there tomorrow. So hopefully weather will be ok.

    Over the weekend I continued with making it peaceful, by doing different things, like walking meditation at times while walking outside.
    Tai chi inside my home, reading, writing and watching some YouTube from Plum Village.

      1. Yes. It wasn’t going to spoil my weekend. I have my next two Saturday’s planned. So a little different. But will still be relaxing and fun.

  9. My week has been good. Fyi if you were using a public computer to post to your blog while in hospital, I highly recommend you changing any passwords that were entered on the public computers. If you haven’t already, and for nothing else than it’s just smart.

  10. Glad you’re home Ashley – love your Guinea pigs! 💞💞 sadly all too many psychiatry horror stories – I hope things can change love and hugs 😘😘

  11. Hi Casper, Toffee and Brownie, So glad that your mama is home to care for you. Give her hugs.
    I have a entire post about the health care system and chronic pain. I would love to share it.

    1. I would love to publish it. If you give me the link to where you’ve originally published it, I can set that as the so-called canonical link so my post’s html code would reflect that your post is the original version.

  12. Give yourself plenty of time to adjust. You’ve been through a shit hospital stay. So happy you’re back home and able to have freedom. Fuck ups happen, I’ve made a few major ones. Means you’re human! I bet you could write a book about the shit mental healthcare you received.

    Those fluffy fur kids have missed you so much! 💜💜💜💜

    My week has been decent, as I’ve 2 decent options for housing now, and probably won’t be houseless. I’m trying not to hope too much, because having hope dashed is awful. I’m most tired of the rollercoaster ride I’ve been on, and I credit my therapist, my fiancé, friends here on WordPress and Instagram for why I’m not dead.

    I’m finally sleeping with a little less nightmares, thanks to that.

    I probably should ask my psychiatrist to increase my Gabapentin. On it for nightmares, I remember you knowledge-translated 1 or more clinical studies on options other than Prazosin.

    1. I’m glad the nightmares aren’t quite as bad.

      Keeping fingers and toes crossed that the housing works out. And I really, really hope you’ll be able to get to Norway soon.

      Love you all. 💕

  13. You were tired and, if memory serves, horny as hell, and so your actions probably were an extreme anomaly. We hope you and all parties involved will give you grace. By the way, we also become a horndog sometimes under extreme duress.

    You had yourself quite an adventure

  14. I’m glad you’re returning to your normal sleep schedule. It’s kind of incredible how much difference in our thinking and acting it can make whether we get enough sleep of good enough quality or not. At least I’ve found that for me sleep or lack thereof can make a huge difference in what sort of perspective I have on all sorts of things and what decisions I make, be them big or small. Things also feel so much more overwhelming when you’re sleep deprived, and something like a major routine/lifestyle change of getting back to normal after hospital life must be quite a difficult and possibly overwhelming process in itself, without sleep deprivation involved. I hope you’ll soon be able to get back on track with everything. I don’t like the process of getting back into normal life after even something as small as a few days trip, because it feels like I have to figure everything out all over again and get used to things, and I suppose it must be even more difficult getting back to normal after a longer hospital stay.
    It’s really shitty how common negative or downright traumatising experiences of psychiatric treatment are among mentally ill people indeed.

  15. Johnzelle Anderson

    I’m glad you’re being patient with yourself and have bullet journaling to ground yourself. If you need help with anything, you have my email. 💚

  16. It’s bad enough when you yourself have an awful experience, but it’s all the more angering when you know others have their own horror stories, too. In this day and age, you’d like to hope that healthcare, including psychiatric healthcare, would be a damn lot better than it currently is.

    I don’t know what you fucked up, but I hope the consequences are less than first thought. Wishful thinking maybe. Was it messaging someone? I won’t pry, you don’t want to say and I’m just being a nosy shit.

    I get my painkillers on a week by week basis, which is stupid and makes for a lot more work for them and me. I’m glad at least you’ve got the prescription come through okay with no problems. After all the hassle you’ve had, that’s almost akin to a miracle!

    Thank you for the shout-out for my blog post. The petition is going to need heaps more signatures and I’m such a teeny tiny blogger so I don’t think reach will make much difference, but I hope it gets there eventually. We shouldn’t have to be fighting for something like this. Just like you shouldn’t have been speaking to a brick wall in hospital and basic meds you could and should have been put on.

    I can only imagine how discombobulating it will be for you adjusting to being back home and being sleep deprived, but I do hope it’s comforting to be back. Fuck all the stuff you’ve got to do, take your time and please look after yourself. xxxxxxx

    1. I don’t mind you being nosy at all. I was really disinhibited for a few days there and blasting my no-filteredness at one particular person. Some filters are better left on…

      The weekly med thing happens far too often, in my opinion. Sure, there are some instances where it actually benefits the patient, but I think those instances are pretty few and far between.

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