Smokin’ Funny Church Signs

For a little lighter fare, here are some funny church signs I came across on Flickr. On a side note, Flickr’s not a bad place to get pictures from. It’s easy to search for Creative Commons-licensed images that you’re allowed to use, and WP has a Flickr embed block, so you just paste in the URL without having to create an image block.

Funny Church Signs
au_tiger01, Flickr

How will you spend eternity – smoking or non-smoking?

How’s that for hellfire and brimstone? I had to look up Methodism because I wasn’t sure what their particular brand of Protestantism entailed, but yup, sounds like they are the hellfire and brimstone types.

Funny Church Signs
au_tiger01, Flickr

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

I’m not quite sure what they were trying to prove with this sign. There are few things that are a match for natural stupidity, but I suspect that it was probably AI that they intended to insult.

Tina, Flickr

Thou shalt not park here

Thou shalt not covet thy pastor’s parking spot…

Uhh... Should we be doing that in church?
David Smith, Flickr

Pastor’s love celebration March 15-16 7pm nightly, climaxing March 18

Perhaps a consequence of not teaching sex ed in the bible belt is that no one ever taught you what a love celebration climaxing might refer to… Bring on the orgy!

Funny Church Signs
au_tiger01, Flickr

Staying in bed shouting, Oh God! does not constitute going to church.

I don’t know, if we’re going to be climaxing anyway, at home in bed is probably a more suitable location for it!

Mar17-08 001
Steven Tomsic, Flickr

Everyday we pitch our tent one step closer to eternity

And speaking of not knowing sex talk

genebrooks, Flickr

Why the hate-on for “charasma”? And also, the hate-on for hyphens? Are hyphens too “charasmatic” for their particular attempts at soul-winning?

I also find the juxtaposition of “love driven” and “sin hating”/”devil fighting”, as that’s probably a pretty good indicator that they should be adding “hypocrisy-embracing” into the mix.

Funny Church Signs
au_tiger01, Flickr

Free coffee. Everlasting life. Yes membership has its privileges.

I’ll pass on the eternal life, but if they have donuts with the coffee, that could be interesting…

Happy Thursday!

28 thoughts on “Smokin’ Funny Church Signs”

  1. At one point in my checkered career I was the ‘church secretary” for a Methodist church and one of my responsibilities was putting together the Sunday announcement bulletin that was inserted into the Sunday service program – Now I am not a Methodist but I am well schooled in church-y, religious things and I was always respectful but one thing I added to the Sunday announcement was a bit of church humor which included – yup, amusing church signs. Not like those…more along the lines of this “Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted”. Not that tweets were around back in those days, but you get the idea. I would never have used any of your examples 🀭

  2. I have a friend from a Baptist family. They don’t seem very fire and brimstone. Maybe US Baptist is different.

    I would also be suspicious of charismatic religious leaders, as it’s often a sign of egotism if not abuse of some kind. I’m not sure that’s what they meant though.

    1. Evangelicalism is really big in the US, and it wouldn’t surprise me if Baptists there lean further in that direction compared to Baptists elsewhere.

      I very much agree with you about charismatic religious leaders, but I’m guessing that’s not where they were trying to go with it.

        1. Probably same deal with Methodists. Black Baptists churches in the US certainly seem to have their own subculture, but I’m not sure if that translates to theological differences as well.

  3. I never realised Flickr has free to use images. Very cool, thanks for the tip!

    Thou hast chosen a mighty good selection, Ashley.

    AI is no match for natural stupidity. Ain’t that the truth. It has become more evident during the pandemic that you can’t argue with stupid.

    A climaxing celebration – there might be some literal New Beginnings after that night!

    And for the record, I’ll certainly be spending eternity smoking.


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