The emerging blogger series is aimed at community building through giving mental health bloggers who are early in their blogging evolution the opportunity to have their work seen by a wider audience. It’s also a way to introduce you as a reader to some newer members of our community.
This post is by the Guru of Zen at Daily Bliss.
HOW TO STOP BEING MISERABLE – BEATING YOURSELF UP OVER GOALS?
Roger Federer could have retired many years ago, already considered the Greatest of all Time with 20 grand slams, why not…?
I don’t know the man, maybe he plays for the love of the game, or he enjoys destroying lower ranked players, who knows. Maybe he loves the adoring fans, standing up broadcasted worldwide winning knowing at that point, he is the best. But I’m quite sure when he turns up to Wimbledon, he doesn’t aim for the runner up – his goal is to win. If he loses, you can see his discontent with himself -and it is this dissatisfaction that drives him, and us in all that we do.
Goals are good, they drive us to improve, give us something tangible and an objective to aim for.
When we complete our goals, we feel amazing. All the hard work, the progress, having set yourself a target and reached it means a feeling of accomplishment engulfs us. Maybe it’s that degree you spent 3 years doing, maybe you ran 10k under an hour or maybe you simply got out of bed today before 9am.
However, what happens when we fail and we don’t meet our goals? Maybe you feel a bit like this:
(And its those type of shots that put the best back on the training court for another 100 hours and make his serve one of the best in the world– to satisfy that discontent. Lost to Nadal 3-0? Embarrassment, humiliation, that’s at least another 500 hours and a sacked coach.)
So what can we do about failed goals and the feeling shit that comes with it?
The first step is to realise what you are discontent about – and this requires mindfulness –reflect on what is making you upset – why are you being harsh on yourself.
Whatever goal you set that you ‘failed’ – firstly realise its in the past. Maybe you didn’t get a job and failed the final interview, sold 9 properties instead of 10, missed the deadline, came runner up at Wimbledon…
Its in the past.
Can you time travel ? No.
Can you do anything to change the result? Mmm maybe but unlikely, if you can you would have done it by now.
Yes it sucks you didn’t achieve what you aimed to do, but realise the past is irrevocably gone, the future is a dream, all we have is the present.
The second step is to reflect on your own internal metrics that you’ve set , and are disappointed with. It’s great to have goals, metrics on what you set out to achieve, I’m all for it. However realise that it is your attachment to these goals, and desire to succeed which ultimately brings about unhappiness.
This is particularly hard if we are used to setting goals and achieving them. You’ve failed, you look like a fool having told all your friends (however this is also egotistical, read about it here). But if you’ve tried your best, what more can you do? Learn to be happy with what you have, where you are, who you are right this moment. You didn’t achieve your goal, but like many goals before this that you also didn’t achieve, it has gone , let it go- if there is something you can do about it, then do it, otherwise the moment has gone and is in the past – let me know in the comments if you can time travel to change it.
Visit the Guru of Zen at Daily Bliss.
Thanks so much to the Guru of Zen for participating in the emerging blogger series!
You can find a listing of all of the posts in the series directory.
Do you want to be the next emerging blogger?
- you have a personal (rather than business-oriented) blog that’s focused primarily on mental health and illness
- you’re a new(ish) blogger, with WordPress following <100 preferred
Interested? If you fit the criteria above:
- email me at mentalhealthathome (at) gmail (dot) com
- let me know the topic you’d like to write about and include your blog name/URL
- don’t think of this as having to “pitch” an idea – I’m just trying to make sure people actually fit the criteria and spirit of the series