I’m tired of this world. I’m tired of living in a society that doesn’t want to hear the stories of those who are different from them, see their world and way of life, or acknowledge the validity of their pain. I’m tired of living in a world where people will will elect and then rabidly defend someone who is a pompous, misogynistic, racist fool.
I’m tired of this life. I lived my good life, and it’s over. This is not a good life. This is going through the motions. This is not a passing phase. This is this life, with this illness. I don’t want it. This is not it-will-get-better bullshit. I don’t like this life. It doesn’t matter if it’s the good days or bad days. Some days I focus my attention elsewhere, but it doesn’t fundamentally change anything.
And I’m here. I’m tired of that.
This is also not you-should-reach out bullshit. Reaching changes nothing, and never has.
I wonder if they’ll ever make medical assistance in dying available for people with mental illness. I hope so. Not just for me, but because it’s the humane thing to do.
But for now, I’ll plod along, tired, watching the world continue to crumble. And no, I’m not going to try to off myself. But who knows, maybe mutually assured destruction or catastrophic climate change will bring a swift end.
The COVID-19/Mental Health Coping Toolkit page has a wide range of different resources that can help make coping a little easier.