I got thinking about this a little while ago when I was commenting on a post by B of Convolute Me. I had mentioned that those of us who are okay with dying are unlikely to be the ones actually taken down by the COVID-19 pandemic. Life isn’t fair that way.
While that may sound suicidal, it’s not meant that way, and I’m not suicidal. But I do feel certain that the best years of my life are behind me, because that would be the years when I was well, so I feel good to go pretty much whenever. I’m not thinking about hastening that along, but I have no problem with the idea of dying.
I suspect I’m not the only one that feels that way. Whether it’s an issue of chronic mental illness, physical illness, or something else, I’m sure there is a chunk of people who wouldn’t mind taking the place of some of the people that have been hit with the coronavirus.
Life’s not fair that way, though. And really, life’s not fair in general. We like to think it is, but it’s not.
So here we are in the middle of the pandemic. The coronavirus will infect whoever it happens to come in contact with. Many will live, but some will die. People with nothing to lose may live, while people who have everything to lose may die. None of that makes any difference; events will unfold as they unfold.
And while COVID-19 might be the most in people’s face right now, there are many other conditions that take far more lives. None of them care whether people are ready to die or not.
Taking a bit of a meandering turn here, longevity runs in my family. Multiple people lived past 90 and even a few past 100. The chances of me living that long are far too high for my liking. I’m only 41, so I’m probably not even halfway through. That is not a good thing at all from where I stand; that’s far, far too many years left.
And yet most likely I won’t be one of the lives lost to this pandemic, or to one of the many other things that end lives prematurely. Funny (not funny ha-ha) how these things work.
And again, I’m not suicidal. These are just some musings on the unfairness of the world.
The straight talk on suicide page has info on topics like suicidality, getting help, safety planning, from someone who’s been there.