Merry Christmas – Especially If It’s Kinda Blue

Merry Christmas: two penguins with scarves and a red background with gold Christmas tree

Today I’m spending at home alone, just like most other days.  I haven’t decorated, and I won’t be having anything Christmasy for dinner.

It’s one of those times when I miss caring.  It’s not so much Christmas itself that I miss, and it’s not something that would go away if I just put a tree up and shoved a turkey in the oven.  It’s the caring – that feeling inside that’s just not accessible anymore.  I think that’s at least in part contributed to my low mood this month.  I was ruminating a fair bit yesterday, which I generally don’t do that often.

I’m not lonely, as I don’t want people around me, but I do miss liking small family get-togethers.  Again, it’s not something that would go away if I were to go see them; it’s the internal feeling I miss, not the situation.

I’m sure I’m not the only otherwise-Christmas-observing person who is alone this Christmas.  We’ve all got our reasons, and those reasons are valid despite cultural messaging that this is the time of year to come together and be merry.

Wherever you are today, whoever you’re with, and no matter how you’re feeling, I hope you’ll take a few moments to be grateful for all that you do have, in spite of all that you don’t.

 

 

 

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50 thoughts on “Merry Christmas – Especially If It’s Kinda Blue

  1. Michael A. Kuch says:

    So well expressed: “… it’s the internal feeling I miss, not the situation.” Resonates with me. Christmas Eve was like that yesterday. Not so much the actual event, but the feeling restored after several years of not having it available emotionally.

  2. Joshua Shea says:

    There have been years that my immediate family has not participated in the larger family gatherings and we’re made to feel like martyrs and lepers on those years. I recaptured some of the Christmas feeling when my kids were little, but now, they’re 16 and 20 and I don’t want grandkids anytime soon. This time of year just feels like its full of obligations beyond my control. I wish I could just chill out and relax, but like Robert Frost said, I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep….

    • ashleyleia says:

      Sorry for the delayed response; your comment got sent to spam for some reason. It’s sad that what should be a pleasant time of year can end up getting bogged down in expectations and obligations.

  3. respain says:

    Media and the general hype of Christmas promote ‘the family’ at this time of year and it has a tendency to alienate those who don’t choose, or aren’t able, to be with family.
    Make the most of what you’ve got and a Merry Christmas.

  4. JoAnn says:

    I hope you have a good Christmas anyway. I’ve spent Christmas alone in the past and its not a fun feeling but I always tried to make the best of it by treating myself to some indulgences.
    🎄🎁

  5. Liz says:

    Christmas is on my own today. Originally, I would have already had an hour with my neighbour, for a cuppa. But as he had an idea to do Boxing Day which will be for a few hlurs and seeing him at the weekend, well, it felt too much. So today I wanted to be alone.

    In the past, Christmas would have been the day with my mum, either at mine, or hers, alternating New Year at the opposite of where ever at Christmas day. But as you know, with things, Christmas was certainly going to be not the same and it was going to be in my own after how things changed with my mum in July. But never at the time would I have expected the situation with my mum to be as it is, her being sectioned and how relationship being not existent in my eyes.
    It’s sad knowing my mum’s Christmas is where it is. But nothing can be done about that. And the future, its all down to mum.

    I have enjoyed having a lie in until 10am, a vegetarian dinner and watching a few dvds in the confort of my own home, with a couple of candles burning.

    Not feeling hungry this evening, with having dinner late, so just been nibbling.

      • Liz says:

        Yes, a lovely quiet day, at the pace I want it to be. I am going to to enjoy from now, until Monday, in just enjoying relaxing. I’m not back at work until Monday, so I am appreciating the break, which is so needed.
        Yes, although sad knowing where mum is it is for the best. Mum is safe and I take comfort in knowing that.

  6. The Girl With The Tiger Tattoo says:

    It’s just a normal day for me too…so I’m with you there…

    No celebrating that is.

    I’m kinda glad when things go back to normal.

    That feeling, the internal one you say about, I kinda get that, in my own way. I get what you are saying.

    Yesterday I had a funeral to go to. And since then I have heard two more friends I knew died. Two were expected and in their 90’s and the other one kinda sudden, but she was unwell with MS and other things.
    But still sad…

    I am grateful though for what I have, and try not to take things forgranted.

    Please don’t be offended if I don’t wish you a merry Xmas. But I genuinely hope you are ok and know that you are thought well of here and loved. 😊😘

  7. kachaiweb says:

    Oh those days. We do have family gatherings, which I like. I try to do what I can and the result is that I am present and try to act normal and once in a while I zone out. At this point I’m indifferent, it’s nor good, nor bad. It is just a lot. I know it will pass and that’s something.

  8. Robin Smith says:

    I did exactly the same as you! It was fine 🙂 especially with having the WordPress community and people being active on here. I did some of my best work last night and today 😁🤗

  9. dharkanein says:

    I don’t know how but I can resonate with your situation. Only the difference is I feel that way on every festival we celebrate here, though I am with my family. Still I feel lonely and missing.

  10. wediditptsd says:

    Yes, the internal lacking, the fire that has gone out. Can we agree—you and we—to say, “For now”? It has gone for now. We don’t feel it *yet*? Maybe it will change. Everything seems to be impermanent. 💕

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