Today I’m spending at home alone, just like most other days. I haven’t decorated, and I won’t be having anything Christmasy for dinner.
It’s one of those times when I miss caring. It’s not so much Christmas itself that I miss, and it’s not something that would go away if I just put a tree up and shoved a turkey in the oven. It’s the caring – that feeling inside that’s just not accessible anymore. I think that’s at least in part contributed to my low mood this month. I was ruminating a fair bit yesterday, which I generally don’t do that often.
I’m not lonely, as I don’t want people around me, but I do miss liking small family get-togethers. Again, it’s not something that would go away if I were to go see them; it’s the internal feeling I miss, not the situation.
I’m sure I’m not the only otherwise-Christmas-observing person who is alone this Christmas. We’ve all got our reasons, and those reasons are valid despite cultural messaging that this is the time of year to come together and be merry.
Wherever you are today, whoever you’re with, and no matter how you’re feeling, I hope you’ll take a few moments to be grateful for all that you do have, in spite of all that you don’t.