The emerging blogger series is aimed at community building through giving mental health bloggers who are early in their blogging evolution the opportunity to have their work seen by a wider audience. It’s also a way to introduce you as a reader to some newer members of our community.
This post is by Dr. Tayabah from Rants Of A Lazy Mom.
I’m the one who doesn’t show up my anger most of the times. But I’m married to a person whose father was bad at managing anger. I’ve seen my father-in-law getting into real fights if someone cuts him while driving. He would get out of the car and start hitting the other person just because he crossed him at the road. My husband was not that bad at anger management but still he finds it difficult to control his anger, when a child misbehaves and shows tantrum.
He’s been struggling to learn anger management and been trying some techniques. He’s now successful most of the time. But at times he loses his temper. I believe that anger management can be learned and my husband really showed up improvements. I would like to share some tips and techniques which we figured out while struggling with this issue.
Are you feeling fumed when someone cuts you while driving? Does your blood pressure shoots, your body becomes tense when your child shows tantrum? Anger is one of the powerful feelings that you may face when you are annoyed, disappointed, hurt or frustrated. Sometimes it can be helpful and sometimes can also hurt you depending on how you react to the situation. It can be a positive feeling if you manage to control your emotions and react without hurting someone else. Holding anger inside can lead to passive-aggressive behavior. Understanding your feelings and learning to express them in appropriate ways can help you handle emergency situations, solve problems and save your relationships. Whereas uncontrolled anger can destroy your health and relationships.
Anger is not only normal but also healthy emotion that helps us become assertive. It conveys us a message telling that the situation is unjust, upsetting or sometimes threatening. It’s normal to feel angry when you are wronged or mistreated but giving exploding reactions which has a negative impact on yourself or others is a problem. Explosive anger is a destructive and toxic emotion that ruins your relationships and has a negative impact on your own physical, emotional and psychological well-being.
Chronic anger that spirals out of control most of the time can have serious consequences. Constant high levels of stress and stress make you vulnerable to diabetes, heart diseases, insomnia, high blood pressure, and a weakened immune system. It affects your mental health badly. Chronic anger absorbs a huge amount of energy leaving you feeling drained and tired. It clouds your thinking and results in concentration problems and unhappy life.
Your destructive anger can cause long-lasting scars in the people you love most. It can get in the way of your work relationships and friendships. By behaving badly during these situations, you make it hard for others to feel comfortable, trust you or speak honestly in front of you. Moreover, it is damaging to children.
You might feel that pouring out your anger is healthy, that your anger is justified, or that you need to show your wrath to get respected. But the reality is not this. The reality is that showing anger is likely to have a negative impact on your image, the way people see you, impair your capabilities, hinder your progress and get in the way of success.
We usually think that our anger is because of external factors. Whereas the emotions are actually a result of our interpretations of any situation. A bad driver, who cuts you off in busy traffic is not an actual cause of your anger. Your choice of how you react to the situation determines whether you get angry or not. Angry reactions happen because you are entertaining angry thoughts. Therefore, it is up to you how you process external stimulus that is triggering angry thoughts leading to angry reactions.
Here are a few anger management techniques that could help you control your anger. By using specific strategies, you can predict and understand your emotional change.
Be aware of your anger
Behave like a detective and find out clues about what kind of situations, events, and people trigger your anger? Being aware is the first step in this process. Try to avoid these situations when you can. If avoiding them is not an option, you’ll know to anticipate them. It will allow you more time to prepare for them so that you can handle the situation well. Next time when you feel anger boiling up inside you, here are some techniques to help you work through your frustrations.
Think well before you speak
When you are feeling angered and frustrated, it’s usually easy to say something you’ll regret later. It’s always recommended to take a few minutes to collect your thoughts before you say something. Give space to others involved in the situation and allow them to do the same.
Express your anger when you are calm
Try to keep calm during the situation. Express your frustration in an empathic but non-confrontational way. Talk about your needs and concerns clearly without hurting others or being bossy.
Try to get some exercise
Stress can be one of the major reasons for your frustration and anger. Several kinds of research show that physical activity can help you reduce stress levels. Go for a walk or run when you notice a negative change in your emotions. You can also choose some enjoyable physical games which make you happy.
Get a break
Allow yourself to take short breaks during busy days to reduce stress on your body. A few moments of quiet can help you feel better and prepare for the situations which make you feel angry and frustrated.
Identify solutions to the situations
Never focus on what is making you mad. Instead, work on how to resolve this issue at hand. Your partner is always late for dinner? Don’t fight back. Instead, start scheduling meals a bit late in the evening. Sometimes, allow yourself to eat few meals alone. Keep on reminding yourself that showing anger is not going to help you in any way. Showing anger is destructive and has negative effects on your health and relationships.
Let things go
It is a great idea to forgive people and let things go. If you keep grudges and allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you will notice that your happiness being swallowed up by your own bitterness. Forgiveness is an amazing tool that allows you and someone who angered you to learn from the situation and make your relationship strong.
Learn to seek help
Learning anger management is usually challenging for most of us at times. If your anger seems uncontrollable, causes you to do things that hurt others, make you feel regretful, it the time to contact professionals and seek help.
Dr. Tayaba is a medical doctor, medical educationist and a writer. She is a mom of two beautiful kids, a girl and a boy, aged 4 and 1.5 years old. She blogs about mental health issues. She aims to raise awareness about mental health among the new generation. You can read her daily blog on mental health on this link https://rantsofalazymom.com/
Thanks so much Dr. Tayaba for participating in the emerging blogger series!
You can find a listing of all of the series posts in the emerging blogger directory.
Do you want to be the next emerging blogger?
- you have a personal (rather than business-oriented) blog that’s focused primarily on mental health/illness
- you’re a new(ish) blogger, with WordPress following <100 preferred
Interested? If you fit the criteria above:
- email me at mentalhealthathome (at) gmail (dot) com
- let me know the topic you’d like to write about and include your blog name/URL
- don’t think of this as having to “pitch” an idea – I’m just trying to make sure people actually fit the criteria and spirit of the series