It’s week #7 for the Working On Us mental health prompt series over at Beckie’s Mental Mess. Visit her post to see the guidelines to participate. Content warning: This week’s topic is suicidal ideation.
Prompt #1 Questions
- Have you ever experienced suicidal thoughts?
- Have you ever attempted suicide?
- Were you ever hospitalized for a suicidal attempt and/or ideation?
- When you were hospitalized, what was your experience like?
- Do you ever feel suicidal ideation since your release?
- Have you ever experienced suicidal thoughts? Yes. I’ve accepted that this is part of my illness, and likely something that will return again and again in the future. I suppose a good thing to come of that acceptance is that when I have thoughts of suicide, I’m able to sit with them, and I don’t entertain thoughts of following through on them, at least at first.
- Have you ever attempted suicide? Yes, multiple times.
- Were you ever hospitalized for a suicidal attempt and/or ideation? I had two hospitalizations for a suicide attempt (three if you count a brief stay on a medical unit) and one for suicidal ideation.
- When you were hospitalized, what was your experience like? One of my psych hospitalizations was ok, but I wasn’t suicidal during that one and I was there voluntarily. My other three hospitalizations were involuntary, and were really negative experiences. I felt like I was not respected at all, and the level of paternalism and often lack of skill on the part of the staff was really disturbing.
- Do you ever feel suicidal ideation since your release? Yes. It was pretty bad in 2016, and I had researched and taken steps to obtain means. The only thing that stopped me was that I wasn’t 100% certain that the method I had in mind would work. The last time things were really bad was in September of last year. What stopped me then was the faint hope that my planned trip to Italy might make things a bit better. It does seem logical, though, to guess that at some point down the road there’s a fairly good chance that my life will end by suicide.
Prompt #2 Picture
I don’t believe in an afterlife, or at least not in the form that this picture suggests. My way of thinking is more along the lines of the energy in our bodies going back into the earth and helping to sustain the circle of life. I suppose you could interpret the picture as she’s there with him in his memory, but he doesn’t seem to be paying any attention to him. Perhaps I’ve always had a bit of a strange relationship with death, but I think the best way to celebrate someone’s memory is by getting out and doing the things you used to love doing with them. I would rather think about how someone was when they were alive rather than think about how they are dead at a cemetery.
There a list of crisis resources here.