What I miss most

miss you message pinned to a flower branch

Image by Goran Horvat from Pixabay

There’s a lot that illness has taken away from me.  Here are a few things that I miss:

  • Planning and getting excited about where my next travel destination might be
  • Enjoying going out to eat
  • Enjoying spending time with close friends
  • Being interested in going to theatre performances
  • Having fun getting ready to go out somewhere nice
  • Wanting to do road trips with friends
  • Feeling positive about my work
  • Enjoy social time with coworkers
  • Caring about how I look – not in a self-critical way, but having fun with clothes, accessories, and makeup
  • Feeling hopeful about the future
  • Feeling happy
  • Enjoying local seasonal events
  • Feeling like there were lots of options open to me and I was in control
  • Being interested in book clubbing and writers festivals
  • Enjoying winery tours and wine festivals

I would be capable of doing the action-based items on this list, but it’s the capacity for interest/enjoyment that’s gone.  And I’ve found that trying to do things anyway but not enjoying them tends to just make me feel worse, as it emphasizes the contrast.

Are there things that used to be positive for you that you now miss?

 

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37 thoughts on “What I miss most

  1. BeckiesMentalMess.wordpress.com says:

    There are countless things I miss. I never thought of writing a list, but they swim in my head day in and out of all the things I so miss about my old life.
    You nailed it when you said… “Capacity for interest/enjoyment that’s gone.”
    Sometimes I think it’s all the damn medication that has numbed me or dulled me to find enjoyment in anything.
    I did however go out this past Tuesday, and found something that did make me smile. I will be writing about that tomorrow on “This Week of Reflection”
    Hang in there, Ahsley… You’re not alone in feeling this way at all. At least we have one another to chat with… That is at least one of the positives that I at least feel.

  2. eirlysgwenllian says:

    I don’t know if there really are things I miss, because although I’ve been more aware of my mental illness(es) or any mental health difficulties, that something might not be exactly right and that not all people deal with things like I do only for about 5-ish years, a lot of it has always been there. Like I’ve always been very anxious and had depressive tendencies etc. There may be some things I miss but can’t think of them at the moment, so for me it’s more about things that I’ve never known how other people do and seem to find them so easy.
    I am sure though that when you struggle with a lot of anhedonia, there must be plenty of things you miss, and it sucks. Depression is never a good thing but since for me my passions and things that I enjoy are one of the core things that actually keep me going, even if sometimes I have to force myself a bit to be enthusiastic, I am always grateful I don’t struggle with major anhedonia on a daily basis. I had quite an anhedonic, lousy week or so very recently and found it really difficult to get through and be functioning, so I can’t imagine being like that every single day.

  3. Luftmentsch says:

    I don’t think I ever enjoyed most of these things, although that’s autism as much as depression.

    I’ve been depressed since my mid-teens (at least) so I didn’t really get to enjoy much to learn to miss it.

  4. kbr0632 says:

    I know the feeling of not wanting to do things..because of my anxiety and depression..and physical symptoms that comes with both. I do try to push myself as much as I can though. There are times though that I just can’t though. My therapist says to do the things..and it might not feel good now, but eventually I will feel good again. Can you take that baby step to try something even if you don’t feel like you will want to do it? Easier said than done, I know.

    • ashleyleia says:

      I’ve tried to push behavioural activation in the past, but the idea that motivation follows activation has never really materialized for me. Maybe it has to do with the fact that anxiety is rarely an issue for me.

  5. marandarussell says:

    I miss hiking and playing tennis a lot (both unable to do due to chronic pain now). I miss not being socially anxious and feeling more confident in public (due to many years of bullying and being autistic). I miss not having to take so many damn pills and see so many doctors lol.

  6. Barb says:

    I used to make jewelry until I was done. Done with it, period. I gave away all of my beads, tools, and other supplies because I didn’t want any of them in my house. Then I end up in a hospital where one of the activities is beading! Hahaha! But I lost my interest and enthusiasm for making jewelry and taking classes, and don’t see myself making anymore jewelry any time soon. Or in the future. I agree with Beckie when she wrote that you nailed it: “Capacity for interest/enjoyment that’s gone.”

  7. Paula Light says:

    Various things at various times from my different issues. I miss being able to have a glass of wine or two without it making me feel so horrible unto death. I miss being able to stay up all night playing games without ending up in a weeklong migraine cycle. I miss being able to blast some fun music without getting severe pain in ears/head. Walking in the wind gives me that same pain, even a little wind.

    So I feel like a fragile old lady at 58. I don’t bother trying to date anymore because what healthy person would want that? And I can’t be a caretaker to a fragile man. I can barely deal with a cat. I face the rest of my life alone, hopefully not a burden to my children.

    I’m not wealthy… who knows where the US is headed as far as Social Security bennies etc. It makes my down spiral worse to think about this. But how can we not?

  8. esmee says:

    Aw…I feel you. I miss swimming and just diving into the pool and forgetting about the world. It used to be my escape (how writing and blogging are at the moment). I miss the adrenaline rush when I would stand behind the block and get all pumped to swim my race.

  9. Hannah Celeste says:

    These are all so tough to go through!! I miss enjoying social time as well. I still do socialize, but I feel like I rarely can actually enjoy it. And I miss being able to confidently talk about myself and my interests (in real life, that is).

  10. Meg says:

    Hi there! I was trying to comment earlier but I fell asleep! 😮

    I’m so sorry the depression has taken all these things from you!! I hope you get them back!!

    I guess what I miss was the naive belief that most people are good and caring, rather than working their own selfish agenda or walking all over others.

  11. Alexis Rose says:

    Everything on your list is relatable. I would add that I miss going to the library and perusing the shelves for hours trying to find new books to read. Now its too overwhelming,
    so I have a book list, reserve books and pick them up, or go to the “staff picks shelf.”

  12. K.T. DADY says:

    I miss things too, but I tell myself that I was blessed to be able to do them once, so at least I had the experience. I also tell myself not to think about what I can’t do and only focus on enjoying what I can do. So what if I can’t take the stairs and I have to walk five miles to take the slope, at least I have a slope – that’s the way I look at things now. It’s not an easy point of view. I have to work on that thought process. My writing helps me to escape. I write books. I like reading too. My illness hasn’t just taken from me, it has given to me as well. People who suffer daily have more compassion, understanding, kindness, and empathy. We can see darkness, and we know how to appreciate the light. We have had so much taken from us, but it hasn’t stopped us from giving whenever we can. Just letting people know they are not alone is a form of giving that is helpful.

  13. seaofwordsx says:

    I miss also being happy at times. I miss being care free without any worries. I’m happy to travel but if it involves flying I always get anxious. I prefer to go with a car, bus or train. I know flying is safer but my anxiety tells me there’s danger. I miss just going with the flow and not being so afraid of going out of my comfortzone. However, anxiety also has given me the opportunity to meet amazing people while blogging and made me even love writing and reading more. The mental health community is amazing and I wouldn’t know it if I didn’t suffer from anxiety so for that I’m thankful 💗

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