It’s week #5 for the Working On Us series of prompts from Beckie at Beckie’s Mental Mess. Please visit her post for all the details.
Prompt #1 (Questions)
Question #1 If an eating disorder isn’t about food or weight, what is it all about? And, what has it done to you personally?
I don’t have an eating disorder, but the way I tend to conceptualize them is a disordered relationship between the mind and the body, and how food fits into that.
Question #2 What is the most difficult thing to handle with your disorder? (This applies to everyone).
I suppose it would be how much depression has stolen away from life. My life is quite different now compared to how it used to be when I was well.
Prompt #2 (Photo Prompt)
It’s strange how strongly mirrors can speak to us. And also strange to consider that not all species have mirror recognition; for example, guinea pigs can’t tell that what they see in the mirror is a reflection of themselves.
Sometimes when I’m having a lot of psychomotor retardation I’ll stare at myself in the mirror and try to force myself to smile, with no success; my face just doesn’t move that much. It feels kind of like I’m looking at a mask that’s been glued onto my face.
I also feel like I’ve aged very quickly in the past few years. This may be a distorted view of my own reflection, but I’m inclined to think that illness has taken its toll on my body.
I don’t spend a lot of time looking in mirrors anymore. I care a lot less about how I look than I used to, although I was never really all that preoccupied with appearance. I don’t take selfies, because I’d rather have pictures of the guinea pigs.
So, bringing it back to the image about, I’m not turning in shame from the mirror, but at the same time, I’m not that interested in seeing it face to face.