I’m taking a break from doing blog awards since they can be time-consuming. Instead, when I’m nominated for awards I’ll answer the questions posed to me in this 20(ish) questions format. I’ll also answer questions from assorted other question tags and the like. Feel free to join in the fun with your own answers to any or all of the questions 🙂
Questions from A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip‘s It’s Just Plain Silly!
- How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead? I may be totally deluded, but I swear when the battery is on it’s last legs and you lean on it a bit, it might give one last gasp of power.
- If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? Well why isn’t a pumpkin an orange? The whole system is messed up.
- Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? I actually don’t do that. What I do instead is swear. Loudly and repeatedly.
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? The lemon juice has artificial flavor because the makers are just as lazy as we are and can’t be bothered juicing a lemon and having to pick out the damn seeds. And the closest dish soap has come to real lemons is the factory being down the street from the lemon farm. You’d have to have super powers to throw a lemon off the tree and hit the dishwashing factory.
- Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? I have to bite my tongue (fingers?) to keep from putting the correct answer, but instead I’ll say the California beach babe looks turns the sun on.
- Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours? And if you’ve ever been on a long-haul flight, you know how tempting it can be to pick up said baby and toss it down into the baggage compartment. (no, I’m not actually a child abuser)
- Why isn’t 11 pronounced “onety-one”? I think we need to start a Change.org petition to get that shit taken care of. One-teen is another option. Eleven is just ridiculous.
- What disease did cured ham actually have? Syphilis. It just needed a penicillin injection in the pork butt.
- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? No way, because we have a shit ton of morons in this world yet are sadly lacking in morality.
- What is something that everyone looks stupid doing? Using a squat toilet and trying to reach for the non-existent toilet paper.
Questions from Nicole at Northern Irish Girl Online for the Sunshine Blogger Award:
- What would your autobiography be called? Crazy Guinea Pig Lady
- Which animal would be the King/Queen/President (other gender-neutral terms are available and can be used, here) when (yes, I said when, the AI’s won’t be taking over, animals will) the animal kingdom rise up and take over? Guinea pigs would slide on in because they’re just so cute no one would take them seriously until all of a sudden they’re dominating the world.
- You’re on death row for a crime of your choice, what did you do, why did you do it, and what would your last meal be and why? We don’t do death penalty in Canada, but I suppose I could be extradited to the US if I had happened to be doing some cross-border shopping, spotted a person who bullied me in the past, and ran his sorry ass over with my car (and backed up to do it again a few more times). Last meal would be KFC. And toss in some prosecco to drink straight outta the bottle. Classy all the way.
- If your pet/child or the fly that lives in your bedroom if you have neither, had to give you a reference for your dream job, what would they say and do you think you’d get the job? My guinea pigs would say I do a pretty good job of feeding them, but I don’t give them nearly enough vegetables. I’m not sure why they’d think that matters for a prospective job, but I’ve got to respect their priorities.
- A penguin walks through the door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here? Probably it’s because I chugged that whole bottle of prosecco mentioned in the question above and I’m hallucinating.
- How would you sell hot chocolate (cocoa) in the hottest country in the world? It could be a billion degrees outside in India and people there would tell you that hot tea would be just the thing to help cool you down. Converting them to cocoa could be more of a challenge.
- If you were a pizza delivery person, how would you benefit from the use of scissors? That would depend on whether or not I was Macgyver.
- If you could have a machine that produced £100 for life, how much would you be willing to pay for it? I’m awfully cheap, so I might try to get the guinea pigs to steal it for me.
- If you could have dinner with three people alive or dead, who would you pick and why? Having been in Italy recently, I’m going to go with the Renaissance artists (3 plus 1 bonus) who correspond to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael, and Donatello. We could chat about anatomically correct statues of naked men, and why I had a crush on Raphael (the turtle version) when I was a kid.
Come on, you know you want to answer a few – that’s what the comments section is for!