I got home a few days ago from a 3-week trip to Italy. Jet lag has been a bitch, and I’m in even more of a mental fog than usual. I’ve managed the basic tasks of getting settled back in at home, but anything requiring more cognitive involvement aren’t getting very far.
While getting away may offer a bit of temporary reprieve from life, the problem is, life is still right there waiting for you when you get back to it. The day after I got back I got a call from my manager and HR person at my new job. They had emailed me while I was away and informed me they were going to call at that date and time; the fact that I didn’t actually agree to this was not a factor at all. They wanted to chastise me about a patient that I had refused to see shortly before my trip because they were not going to pay me fairly to do so. I decided to take the approach of not trying to defend myself. I had a brief prepared statement (which they clearly didn’t actually listen to a word of), but aside from that, all I said was yes, no, or okay. It meant the call was over fairly quickly, but I was left thinking that if I see even 1 patient a week for these cheap dumbfucks it will be 1 too many.
I’ve also learned that someone with more seniority than me at my other job is going to be snapping up more of the shifts that I would normally have taken (casual shifts are offered in order of seniority). So, my ability to earn an income seems to be shrinking. Aside from that, my motivation to work has been shrinking, as is the feeling that I am capable of managing work.
I’ve been home a few days and it feels like I never left. I am so tired – tired of being jet lagged, tired of dealing with BS, tired of dealing with life. I’m not seeing anything to look forward to in any way. Welcome home.