We tend to create a lot of rules about how we should think, feel, and act. We may believe that there is some sort of objective truth to these rules, but the reality is they’re really just myths. These examples come from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy:
- I don’t deserve to get the things that I want/need
- Asking for help makes me a weak person
- I should only ask for something if I know ahead of time that the person will say yes
- Making requests of others is selfish
- Saying no to others is selfish
- Others’ needs are more important than my own
- If I can’t fix this myself there must be something wrong with me
- In a given situation there is a certain way I should feel
- If I let others know I’m feeling badly then I am week
- Negative feelings are harmful
- Some emotions are wrong or stupid
- If others don’t approve of my feelings, then there must be something wrong with them
- Painful emotions should be ignored
- My emotions define who I am
- I can always trust my emotions
Do you have any thinking/feeling rules that you commonly get trapped in?
Source: adapted from Marsha Linehan’s DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, 2nd ed.
Image credit: InspiredImages on Pixabay
I think I have a lot of those…
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Dear Ashley
I learn something new everytime in your posts. Thank you for writing.
I was wondering if we can communicate via email or WhatsApp
R
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My email is mentalhealthathome (@) gmail (dot) com
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Thank you
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I am familiar with many of these unfortunately.
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A big one for me has always been “I am who/what/how others judge me to be.” It can be quite liberating to recognize that people usually make important judgments of others on the flimsiest evidence, and that I needn’t take these superficial judgments as being especially veridical.
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I guess the problem comes if those flimsy judgments produce actions that then have greater consequences.
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“If others don’t approve of my feelings, then there must be something wrong with them” –》 that is a huge one for people with trauma histories to unlearn. We’re taught that our own wants and needs are selfish, that we’re too stupid to accomplish our dreams, and that it’s always our fault. Unlearning those early messages and not feeling like we’re automatically what others said we were if we do set boundaries, leave bullying situations (Well, if and when we find a new job. Rent is a thing!) or practice self-care is the work of a lifetime.
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Yes I think unlearning is often more difficult than learning.
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i over did it
look
see
hey the paranoia
is that exageratted sense of self
and i feel so down and tired
give us a hug!
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I get trapped in the thought that I’m not worthy of feeling upset/ down because there is people in worse situations than I am! I know we are all fighting our own battles and shouldn’t compare. X
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Yeah it’s definitely hard to internalize some of these things even when we’re cognitively aware of it
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I’m getting out of the habit of saying “it’s just James” when I introduce myself on the phone, especially at work. I’m me, not “just James”. I tend to slip back into the old habit when i’m feeling a bit meh!
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Yeah, that’s so easy to do
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Wow I have all of these unfortunately 😭 I learnt to say no more often and remember that my feelings are valid even though if not everyone understand them.
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Saying no is definitely something I’m trying to work on.
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Sadly i relate to all of these and it caused so much damage to how i see myself
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Yes they can make things very difficult sometimes
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I worked through most of this list in therapy. I have to talk myself out of these thoughts when I have them but it has become a lot easier.
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That’s good 🙂
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I use to feel all these feelings before I learned of my mental illness. I would never ask for help, I was trapped in my own head for so long until I had my therapist and caseworkers that use to help me understand that it was alright to ask for help.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still stubborn at times but nothing compared to what I used to be like.
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I’ve improved in that sense as well
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Reblogged this on Hypnotherapist_sophia.
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