The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson claims to provide “a counterintuitive approach to living a good life.” He wrote this book in reaction to the problems he saw in the self-help industry. His own background is as a blogger; there’s no indication that he has a background in psychology or any sort of related field. &This book represents his opinion, but those opinions are sometimes presented as fact. There’s nothing wrong with an opinion, but I think it needs to be more clearly delineated as such.
In some ways, some of the author’s philosophy is a rebrand of radical acceptance. Manson discusses the importance of non-superficial values, and while his approach isn’t necessarily my favourite the content is reasonable. He challenges modern society’s focus on materialism and the pursuit of positivity, to the point of avoiding everything else. He repeatedly refers to entitlement as a key underlying problem; however, there’s a tinge of brattiness to his writing style that detracts from this message.
There were a number of ways in which this book fell short for me. One of the places where he lost me was the idea of “don’t try”. Trying for the sake of personal growth is very different from trying to keep up with the Joneses. Manson argues that “everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience”. While this may sometimes be the case, I doubt the veracity of this as a broad generalization. There are some valid messages about things like values that get watered down by somewhat cavalier examples.
I was definitely in agreement when Manson criticized the often-repeated “be happy” message, pointing out that “accepting negative experience is a positive experience.” He writes that social media tends to trigger a “feedback loop from hell” that constantly reminds us that others are doing better than we are, and we are inadequate.
Getting to the point of the book’s title, Manson suggests that “to not give a fuck is to stare down life’s most terrifying and difficult challenges and still take action.” He adds that we should choose what matters, and what is or is not successful, based on personal values, which I would certainly agree with. He encourages action even in the absence of motivation, which is similar to behavioural activation in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).
The author believes that entitled people exude a “delusional degree of self-confidence” and operate within a “narcissistic bubble”. This made me wonder, though, a) isn’t this just an extreme example of not giving a fuck, and b) does he know what delusional actually means? Manson explains that:
The ticket to emotional health, like that to physical health, comes from eating your veggies – that is, accepting the bland and mundane truths of life… This vegetable course will taste bad at first. Very bad. You will avoid accepting it… [But then] the knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish.
I disagree with simple pleasures being presented as “bland and mundane” and something that is necessarily aversive at first. The simple things are often the most beautiful.
The book touches on the idea of “victimhood chic”, involving a lack of personal responsibility and the tendency to be easily offended and outraged by any perceived slight. Whether or not this is true, I think it minimizes those that are victims of abuse. I also disagreed with the author’s statement that “in the process of changing your values, you’ll feel like a failure and will experience rejection”; I think there’s no reason why that should be true as a blanket statement.
Manson talks about what sounds like his own entitled, bratty past. I get the sense that, in the present tense, he’s not necessarily someone I’d want to spend much time with. He explains that if his wife gets dolled up for a night out and he doesn’t like her fashion choices, he’ll come right out and tell her, “because honesty is more important to me than feeling good all the time”. In my mind, there’s honest, and then there’s asshole, and the difference lies in consideration of the other person’s feelings.
He states that “if two people are close are not able to hash out their differences openly and vocally, then the relationship is based on manipulation and misrepresentation, and it will slowly become toxic.” I’m not certain why he presumes to dictate how couples should communicate within their relationships, but just because he prefers one communication style doesn’t mean that others are manipulative and toxic.
This was definitely an interesting book; sometimes interesting in a good way, but other times in a bad way. I’d say it disappointed me compared to what my expectations were.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck is available on Amazon (affiliate link).
You can find my other reviews on the MH@H book review index or on Goodreads.
Thanks for reviewing this book. I’ve thought about reading it but have never got round to it.
Yeah it had been on my list for quite a while before I got to it.
I was excited to read this book, but I also disagreed with a lot he said when I finally got around to reading it. I didn’t enjoy it very much 🙁
Yeah I was also disappointed compared to my expectations.
Op it’s been on my list to read for a while now thank you for the honest review of it definitely think I will put it further back on my list
Yeah I was disappointed by it
I love the title and it sounds like my kind of reading material … I’ve never seen it before, but am now interested … Thankyou 🙂
I’ve thought of giving the book a read but I need something concrete and evidenced based. Great review.
Thanks! This book is definitely light on evidence-based.
I’ve mentioned this one on my blog before, too. I found that I took the basic elements from this book as a means of motivation, a refreshing perspective, but took it lightly and ‘with a pinch of salt’. I guess I can’t read many opinion-based books like this and take them too seriously because I don’t like being told what to do nor do I always agree with all of it. But for a breath of fresh air, I enjoyed it and felt the general point here – caring less about the unimportant stuff – was pretty useful and actually very relevant for me. Neat review 🙂
Caz x
Thanks. I agree, there’s some good stuff if you read it with a pinch of salt attitude.
I’ve heard that this book is a good read. I’ll have to check it out now. Thank you for sharing.
I’ve heard about this book and am glad to hear your opinion on it. Now I know I probably wouldn’t like to read it lol
I haven’t read this yet, but had been debating it.
It had been on my list for quite a while, but it didn’t live up to my expectations.
I could tell, so thanks for saving me the time
I think I read this a while back. It isn’t a new release is it?
I think it was published a couple of years ago.
I’ve got this book but not yet read it. Interesting review!
Yes it was definitely an interesting book, sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way.
I’m going to read it! I am type A/OCD to the max and constantly worrying over everything! This has made me successful, but also a nervous wreck. If I could count the time people have told me you don’t have to give a f*ck – I would be a billionaire!
Thanks for the review! I’ll let you know!
I have not read the book but came across the audio book version on audible. I found it to be interesting – perhaps having it in audio can affect how one perceives the message. The narrator made it quite humorous in places – still a little arrogance came through but overall a good listen. I suppose it’s important to be on a similar wavelength but for me, I took on what resonated and moved on.
That’s interesting – it makes sense that hearing it in the author’s intended tone could be different than reading it in their perceived tone.
Yes, I believe that could make a massive difference.
Thank you for the comment.
Hey! Love your review, I’ve written a review for the same book, check it out;-)