I feel trapped in several areas of my life. Trapped in a few different ways, and really not sure how to get myself out.
The most obvious is that I feel trapped in my depression. I’m feeling at a loss as to what to do. I’m managing ok for the most part, but I want to be able to do more than just managing. Yet I have a reluctance to mess with the treatment regimen that’s keeping me reasonably contained a fair bit of the time, so I’m coasting along and getting knocked off the rails whenever anything mildly distressing comes up.
I feel trapped in my career. I’ve kvetched about this before, but there are factors outside of my control that seriously limit my options (mostly related to a former bully‘s somewhat successful attempts to destroy my career). Plus I worry that trying and failing to push back against those external factors could further destabilize my mental health. So I look for the path of least resistance, which is typically to stay bogged down in the status quo.
Then there’s interpersonal relationships. I shut people out of my life. I’ve pushed my family away, yet at the same time the maintenance of this distant but still kind of there relationship doesn’t feel very good. Yet I have no idea how to let myself open up and move in closer, because it just doesn’t feel safe.
In a sense I feel trapped in my city. I like where I live, and I’m very comfortable in the condo where I’ve lived for the past 13 years. But I’m so settled in that even if moving seemed like a good thing to do for my career or other purposes, the very idea is terrifying. The thought of having to go through the process of selling my place and trying to find a new home is completely overwhelming, to the point that I don’t even think of it as a feasible option, at least for the time being.
While some of this trapped-ness is related to external factors, a large part of it is firmly rooted in my thinking. Yet recognizing it doesn’t necessarily make it easier to move out of my rut. When even my rut feels scary and unsafe a lot of the time, and when past experience has clearly shown that the world often is unsafe, it’s hard to contemplate what positive change could actually look like.
Are there areas of your life where you feel trapped?
My new book, Managing the Depression Puzzle takes a holistic, everything up to and including the kitchen sink look at how to put together the pieces of your unique depression puzzle. It’s available on Amazon and other online retailers, as well as the MH@H Store.