In psychiatry, magical thinking refers to the idea that there is a causal relationship between one’s thoughts and the outside world; basically that thinking something makes it so. I tend to combine magical thinking with avoidance to produce a thought pattern of “I won’t think about it and therefore it’s no longer real.” It’s entirely illogical, and yet it’s a pattern I keep repeating. Supposedly Albert Einstein said “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”, and I’m guilty as charged.
In order to create my false world where bad things haven’t happened, it feels like my mind slows down. I find it hard to concentrate. I actively avoid even opening my journal. I watch mindless videos. I project my negative emotions onto other issues that are less triggering. And I drink. I don’t normally have a problematic relationship with alcohol, but when it comes to tuning out of reality, alcohol is a favourite crutch. Nothing too wildly out of control, but enough to provide a dose of brain-numbing. And pass the potato chips while we’re at it, because at this point who cares, right – the world is a collapsing circus tent, and nothing is reality!
It sounds unhealthy, which would be because it is, but to put a more positive spin on it I guess what’s I’m trying to do is buy myself a bit of time for the emotional mind to calm down a little bit so wise mind is more within reach. Not that I’m consciously wallowing in emotion mind; in fact, I’m running as far away from it as I can knowing that it will naturally start to mellow out as time passes beyond a given event.
But for right now, I’m that kid with their fingers stuck in their ears shrieking la la la la la la la!
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