Here’s what happened in my life over the past week:
- I worked 6 night shifts at one of my jobs. One of the shifts was a last-minute overtime shift which meant I couldn’t stick to my normal medication and sleep schedule. I was reminded that I can’t sleep if I don’t take medication, no matter how exhausted I am. It’s hard to say how much of that is the effects of depression and how much is because my brain is used to having drugs. Regardless my brain on no sleep is not a pretty place, and I’ve been pretty low-functioning for the second half of the week. Overtime makes for damn good money, though.
- At that same job, I saw on the schedule that in a couple of weeks a new hire is going to be orientating to night shift, and rather than schedule this person to orientate with me, they’ve booked the person to orientate on a different unit with another casual nurse who’s only 3 months out of nursing school. Now I don’t have any desire whatsoever to orientate new staff, but I’m sensing an underlying not-so-subtle message here; this isn’t the first time they’ve made it clear that they don’t want new staff orientating with me. Fuck that place is obnoxious.
- I’m fairly certain my other job is going to cease to exist. HR has set up a teleconference for all staff in my program on Monday, so I should find out then what’s up with the suspicious hints lately.
- I saw my doctor for the first time in a few months. I didn’t really feel like I had anything to say. I told him I was doing fairly ok most of the time. He wasn’t totally convinced, but he said I looked good so he would let it go. Normally I’m not a fan of the “you look good” routine, but he’s consistently observed that when I’m struggling I don’t even try to put on a mask with him so it’s quite visible, so in this particular situation it didn’t bother me.
- I had dinner with my brother, and while it wasn’t quite as painful as the last time I saw him, it was still uncomfortable. He was telling me about some of our parents plans that came as news to me, and it bothered me that I was hearing this stuff via my brother rather than directly from my parents. Pretty much all my parents ever tell me is where they’ve gone out to eat or what they’re watching on Netflix. I’ve been feeling alienated enough from them already, and now I feel that even more so.
- I decided to go ahead and book a flight to Italy for October. I’ve been contemplating it for a while now, and I finally came to the conclusion that I was never going to feel fully comfortable making a decision, so I might as well just go for it. And I’m flying on points, so if I end up cancelling the flight it’s not the end of the world.
How has your week been?