Here’s what happened in my life over the past week:
- I worked 4 night shifts in a row this week at my job at a concurrent disorders transitional program. I stuck to the sleep and med schedule that I’ve figured out works best for me when I’m doing nights, so it was manageable. I’m working a lot of nights over the next month and a half, and I’m hoping that it won’t have too much of an impact on my mental health.
- One morning at work we were doing our last round of patient checks at 6am and found a patient lying on the floor in his room only partially responsive. It was later determined he’d overdosed on fentanyl. I’m normally very on the ball when it comes to crisis situations, but I’m not particularly normal these days. I’ve been a nurse long enough that the taking care of the patient part of it still came naturally. What I struggled with was communicating to others. When I was on the phone with 911 requesting paramedics, I was having a hard time putting sentences together. I think I forgot to say I was a nurse and I guess the 911 operator assumed I was dumb as a post, so he was talking to me like I was an idiot, which threw me off even more. I was able to be somewhat more coherent with paramedics when they arrived, but still a far cry from my “normal”. It’s hard to be reminded of just how impaired I am now compared to the way I am when I’m well.
- The next night I was talking to my coworker, who also happens to be my only in-person friend, about how I was feeling. His first response was that I’d done well and I was being too hard on myself. That was sufficiently frustrating that I snapped at him “that is really not helpful!” I felt kind of bad about getting irritated, but what I really needed at that point in time was validation, not rah rah let’s be positive.
- I’m also feeling frustration with my other job. Nothing major, just annoying stuff that tends to crop up every so often.
- My concentration hasn’t been great. I’ll come to the end of reading a blog post and think wait a minute, I have no idea what I just read.
- I continue to eat absolute crap because I don’t care enough to put any effort into food preparation. I think this coming week I really need to get that under control before sugar starts exploding out of my orifices.
- I made it to yoga for the first time in 3 weeks, so that was good. I also had a massage.
How has your week been?