Weekend wrap-up

Weekend wrap-up

wrapping paper, ribbon, and twine

Here’s what happened in my life over the past week:

  • I worked 4 night shifts in a row this week at my job at a concurrent disorders transitional program.  I stuck to the sleep and med schedule that I’ve figured out works best for me when I’m doing nights, so it was manageable.  I’m working a lot of nights over the next month and a half, and I’m hoping that it won’t have too much of an impact on my mental health.
  • One morning at work we were doing our last round of patient checks at 6am and found a patient lying on the floor in his room only partially responsive.  It was later determined he’d overdosed on fentanyl.  I’m normally very on the ball when it comes to crisis situations, but I’m not particularly normal these days.  I’ve been a nurse long enough that the taking care of the patient part of it still came naturally.  What I struggled with was communicating to others.  When I was on the phone with 911 requesting paramedics, I was having a hard time putting sentences together.  I think I forgot to say I was a nurse and I guess the 911 operator assumed I was dumb as a post, so he was talking to me like I was an idiot, which threw me off even more.  I was able to be somewhat more coherent with paramedics when they arrived, but still a far cry from my “normal”.  It’s hard to be reminded of just how impaired I am now compared to the way I am when I’m well.
  • The next night I was talking to my coworker, who also happens to be my only in-person friend, about how I was feeling.  His first response was that I’d done well and I was being too hard on myself.  That was sufficiently frustrating that I snapped at him “that is really not helpful!”  I felt kind of bad about getting irritated, but what I really needed at that point in time was validation, not rah rah let’s be positive.
  • I’m also feeling frustration with my other job.  Nothing major, just annoying stuff that tends to crop up every so often.
  • My concentration hasn’t been great.  I’ll come to the end of reading a blog post and think wait a minute, I have no idea what I just read.
  • I continue to eat absolute crap because I don’t care enough to put any effort into food preparation.  I think this coming week I really need to get that under control before sugar starts exploding out of my orifices.
  • I made it to yoga for the first time in 3 weeks, so that was good.  I also had a massage.


How has your week been?



24 thoughts on “Weekend wrap-up”

  1. I can relate to a lot of this. I too have been eating crap. I want to get a whole bunch of groceries and have a cooking day, and then put everything into tupperware and refrigerate it for healthy meals on hand. And, like, I went to the grocery store at 1:00 on Friday, and it was a mob scene. I abandoned my cart and ran screaming into the parking lot. I feel kind of guilty, like, what if the scallops spoiled?

    That 911 operator would have angered me. I hate it when people talk to me like I’m stupid!! “There there, calm down and tell me your emergency.” [Eyeroll.] I think it’s nice that you were so worried about your patient that you couldn’t keep it together. I’d rather have you as a nurse any day than someone who’s perfectly detached and couldn’t care less. I hate that whole undertone in the helping profession of, “Don’t get attached! Don’t let yourself care!” Because it shuts off natural and valuable empathy. I feel sorry for the guy who ODed from reading your post, and I’ve never even met him. 🙁

    I think I have fairly good concentration, but in my case, my meds have stolen my short-term memory. Like, it’s gone. I also have no short-term memory. (Sorry, lame joke… but true!!)

    I know your job bugs you, but you’re so far ahead of where I could ever be! I can’t function five minutes at work. Somehow, you’re holding on!! [Shakes pom-poms.]

    1. Alas, I can’t use the excuse of caring and being empathetic, because I didn’t actually care all that much. Just brain not working. [Self choking on pom poms lol]

  2. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well this week and about your patient overdosing, but I also think it’s very nice and caring of you that you was worried and involved in it so much that it was hard for you to communicate with paramedics.

  3. That sucks, and, although recently I can’t really complain much about mY brain, i know it can be very frustrating when it’s not working. Anyway, still it doesn’t change my feeling that you’re an awesome nurse.

  4. It’s hard to be reminded of just how impaired I am now compared to the way I am when I’m well.

    I feel like that a lot at work too, although in the library we tend not to have people overdosing or being otherwise in life-threatening situations. I do feel like an idiot in a lot of interactions with people, though.

  5. Tough situation for you at work. You handled it as best as you could at that particular moment in time.
    I’m with you on the sugar overload this week, I too need to get that under control and is one of my goals for next week. And the concentration/memory thing too… I actually cannot read any posts that take longer than 1-2 minutes, my brain switches off.

  6. Your job sounds so stressful, I’m surprised you can do all that you do and then come home to write so calmly about in-depth pieces. I can certainly relate to the concentration and focus issue. I’ve had a really rough go of that for a couple of weeks now.
    I do hope you have a better week ahead of you! 🙂

  7. that must have been terrible seeing a patient in such distress. How did you even cope, I know your a nurse, but also having mental health struggles it must have been tough to witness that. xo

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