I used to have a bad habit of Google stalking people and then feeling shitty about myself as a result. I’ve managed to put a lid on it, though…. at least mostly. And then I did a post about workplace bullying. Since I was feeling somewhat shitty about myself anyway, I decided to give in to the urge and do a quick Google search for the former manager who caused significant, enduring harm in my life. And lo and behold, the slimy fucker has been promoted from a manager to a director. And then there’s me and my mess of a life.
You know it’s funny, right around the time shit was really starting to get ugly at my old job, I went on a trip to India. I was in Varanasi watching cremations beside the river (it sounds morbid, but Varanasi is a holy city on the Ganges and this is an important ritual). Some hustler started talking at me about the cremation process, despite the fact that I was doing my best to ignore him. Anyway, by the time he asked for money, supposedly for a charity, I’d actually learned a fair bit so I decided what the heck, gave him some money. And he said “can’t you give more?”, to which I responded “if you’re not happy with that then I’m not giving you any money at all”, and I took the money back. Then he starts ranting at me about how I’m a bad person and will have bad karma, etc., etc.
So, did that obnoxious little dude in Varanasi curse me, or was karma run over by a bus on her way to check out my former manager? Either way, it seems like I’m shit outta luck.
This guided journal focused on finding forgiveness is about forgiving on your own terms and for your own sake. It’s available as a free download from the MH@H Store.