A little reflection

castle reflected in Lake Bled

Yesterday I saw that I was only a few followers away from 1000.  And instead of feeling excited, I wasn’t feeling very good about it.  All along I’ve tried to take the approach of looking at and thinking about numbers as little as possible.  It can be hard to avoid, though.  One of those things I couldn’t help but notice is that in the month of May my number of views has gone down compared to the previous month for the first time since I started blogging.  And that is what it is, but decreased views plus increased followers is a bit of a weird combination; enough to trigger various uncertainties and self-doubt in my head that I don’t think I’d be having if it weren’t for that odd mismatch.  I’ve never intended to try to monetize my blog, so that’s not an issue.  It seems utterly ridiculous to be questioning my place in the blogging world when I’m at almost 1000 followers; how arrogant is that?  Yet if all these people are following me but only a small percentage are actually looking at what I write, does the follower number actually mean anything?  In a word – no – but throw depression into the mix and self-critical thoughts flow oh so easily.  And I guess it goes to show that insecurity is less about absolute numbers and more about how the mind twists things.

In the end, I decided to comb through and remove the followers that were clearly just link spam (male enhancement, topless waiters in Melbourne, etc.).  And, like I always try to do whenever I get mired in this particular rut, I just need to bring the focus back to the stuff that actually matters, and consider what I have (some really, really awesome followers) rather than whatever I might perceive that I don’t have.

Is there anything that tends to trigger blogging insecurity for you?  How do you overcome it?

 

Image credit: 12019 on Pixabay

32 thoughts on “A little reflection

  1. BeckiesMentalMess.wordpress.com says:

    I noticed that my numbers have been low for the month of May too, and yes…at times I do feel insecure about it. I start questioning everything I’ve posted. However, I am just so utterly grateful to have the following I do have from the people that truly matter to me. It’s all about the connection we share, “Community” if you would.
    It’s funny too because I just started doing that myself… weaning out sites that have no relevance. I’ve also been thinking about changing my blog a bit and tweaking its appeal, not just for others, but for myself.
    Ashley, your blog is fantastic and I look forward to reading your posts daily because of your topic, and honest approach. You tell things like they are, and I respect that an awful lot. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Invisibly Me says:

    That is quite odd. I get blogging insecurity quite a lot, particularly in the earlier days… I often feel that it’s just not good enough, I’m not doing well enough, I’m not writing regularly enough, I don’t have enough followers on the blog or Facebook as other bloggers etc etc. I think it’s par for the course, and all the more likely and intense when dealing with depression, anxiety.. You know that numbers don’t matter (such as the followers or views) but it’s easier said than done sometimes to focus on what matters and not feel doubt. I would just want to state the obvious in reassuring you – you have a lot of readers who love your blog, love what you write, love you and will always come back to read when they can. You’re doing amazingly well and should be proud!  ♥
    Caz x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. howikilledbetty says:

    Yes, blogging does at times give me insecurities too. It’s tough, but you’re brill and we all love reading your posts, so I’d just put it down to the weather changing and more people spending time outside rather than in! Just keep on writing, we think you’re fab!x

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Femme Phenomenal says:

    It’s hard because there’s so much content out there, and with our minds that tend to think negatively, it’s so easy to think that whatever we have to contribute is worthless. But even if only one or two people are touched by what you write, that’s enough for it to be worth it. You just never know how your readers are being impacted.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ashley says:

    I’m actually just scared that someone I know will find my blog and be shocked at what goes on in my PTSD head. I think there are times I feel a little unnoticed, but then again I do this for myself and not for others, so…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. easetheride says:

    I deal with the follower insecurity a lot too. As I watch others’ follower counts rise to the 5, 6, 700’s, I can feel defeated. I am also easily triggered if I see that a member of our small community is present on the blogs of many of our peers but never likes or comments on mine. It stirs up these feelings than I am a “less than” person. I’ve combatted this by continuously reminding myself that I am here to write my story and I am here because this is the only place I have ever felt safe telling it outside of therapy. The rest of it, the likes and followers, are just secondary by-products. It’s nice for me to get 10 or 15 likes, but I write to cultivate my own progress. And at this point, I’ve got a small crop of bloggers (you included!) who I read faithfully and whose support means the most. So I try to focus on them and ignore the “why doesn’t that person read my blog?” issues. It’s not always effective, but it helps redirect me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ashleyleia says:

      Most of the time I find that redirect works pretty well, and I think when I start feeling insecure about blogging it’s when the “less than” feeling gets stronger in the rest of my life and just starts spilling over into my blogging life.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Meg says:

    Wow!! Congrats!! I think I have, like, 60 or 70 followers. A thousand?! Wowzers!! Great job!!

    My goal with my blog is purely self-expression. Occasionally, I’ll plug my books on the blog, but that’s not really the point. Mostly, it gives me a way to vent my opinions and just express whatever wacky stuff is going through my head, ya know? Like, “Hey, I was abducted by aliens!” 😀 So it’s hard for me to realistically expect many followers, what with how “far-out there” I am, if that makes sense.

    But don’t worry about your numbers!! I only follow a small number of blogs, and yours is at the top of the list! Woo hoo!!

    Liked by 1 person

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