What scares me

eyes showing fear

ghwtog on Pixabay

I came up with this list as part of my bullet journal.  I feel like there should be a lot more things on it, but this is what has jumped into my head thus far.

  • never getting well
  • not being able to get another nursing job
  • being forced to move for financial or other reasons
  • not having enough income to get by
  • losing my extended health insurance
  • having another failed suicide attempt
  • losing my independence
  • rejection
  • invalidation
  • not having anyone I feel safe with
  • being completely alone
  • and on a lighter note, various creepy crawlies that I’m not interested in naming


What scares you?


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37 thoughts on “What scares me

  1. BeckiesMentalMess.wordpress.com says:

    I think you hit everything on the head. My list matches your’s minus the creepy crawling things. Never thought of them, to be honest. I never wrote down my list, but I know that all of the above is on my mind constantly, that may have triggered my panic attack Monday.

  2. Revenge of Eve says:

    All valid. I would have to agree with you. But I can’t claim independence as I live with my mother. I do pay bills though. I was going to move out this year but now I’m not so sure

    • ashleyleia says:

      I was thinking more along the lines of ability to take care of myself and do basic daily activities on my own. I definitely don’t want to end up in a care home at some point.

  3. LiveNotExist says:

    I share many of these fears with you…. the fear of getting worse mentally so I can’t be with my kids and fiancé. To get sick in any other way etc….

  4. Meg says:

    Yeah, I can sorta relate. I’m not concerned that I’ll never get well, except inasmuch as, “What if I wind up somewhere in the world, or in some situation, in which I don’t have access to my five psychiatric meds?” (If I’m ever undermedicated, just run fast and far… that’s what I tell people!) 😀

    You’ll never be completely alone as long as I’m at the computer! 🙂

      • Meg says:

        That actually offers me some comfort… I’ve never left the country, but I worry about things like, “Would my drugs go through customs?” ‘Cause I have no understanding of how such things work, ya know? But yeah, if you’ve had no issues, I guess it’s okay!! Great!!

  5. Meg says:

    Let’s see…. I’m afraid of fire (particulary of being horrifically burned), medical personnel seeing me naked (total embarrassment), small dead animals (I shriek and run in the other direction when I see one on the street, so I totally get your creepy crawly issues!!), and winter (my seasonal issues are extreme).

    • ashleyleia says:

      I can get the fire thing, especially after reading nervous 🙂 Trust me, whatever you’ve got going on a health professional has seen worse. I’m pretty anti-naked myself, but it amuses me how free some people are to show off their bits and pieces because I’m a nurse…. I find roadkill pretty icky, especially if I’m driving and see it last minute and don’t have time to swerve. Ugh.

  6. Karen says:

    Seemed so wrong to like your post!
    My fears:
    1- that I remain trapped in this state of limbo
    2- that my mood plummets to crisis point
    3- that my husband dies (fairly certain if he does I will be right behind him, sorry kids)
    4- that my cancer comes back
    and then there’s a whole bunch of other stuff – mainly involving falling, being trapped or being in some kind of accident – lifts, car, bridges, falling trees landing on my car, any accidents involving transport, heart attack, cobwebs.

    Thinking next time I’m asked to complete the phobia questionnaire maybe I should confess! 😀
    What a cheery list!

  7. s.e. taylor says:

    many of the same here. I’ll eventually have to move, and it’s a very scary thought. I finally, thankfully, have somewhere to go when the time comes. I went a long time without health insurance and finally have medicare, though it’s still rough coming up with the co-pays. I’m the youngest of my siblings (big age difference) so I do worry that when I’m older I’ll be all alone. I don’t have kids or a partner, so it’s pretty likely. I fear my health getting worse, both psych and physical.

  8. DV says:

    The fear that paralyses me from moving on in my life is that in trying to get ‘more’ I will lose what I have left. Despite the serious emotional damage from some of the things that have happened in my past I have come through relatively unscathed financially and physically. Nightmare scenario is finally getting to the point where I am okay with getting into a relationship again and then the guy gives me herpes, steals my life savings and burns my house down.

    • ashleyleia says:

      The stealing life savings thing is something I think I haven’t been scared enough of in the past, and I’m so luckily I haven’t been screwed over royally.

  9. Liz says:

    Losing my job, if job losses were to take effect in my department. There was talk of cuts just over a month ago. We are not affected yet and hopefully never will be, but for some one who has only been working months here, it made me feel nervous.

    Worrying whether I will ever get to live in a council property, where rent is more reasonable than renting private.

    Not having enough income to get by, unless I can get a second part-time job.

    Concerned if my feet ever play up again, the financial cost it could bring, as I would have to seek private care, because I am not eligible on the NHS, as I don’t fit into a category or age group.

    I don’t like creep crawlies, but never thought about it. I only react if in a situation that involves them.

    To find I have to go back on blood pressure tablets. This would feel a total set back for me.

    • ashleyleia says:

      I think it makes it especially hard that a lot of these kinds of things are totally out of our control, like eligibility for health services. Sorry for the delayed response – WordPress has been acting up!

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