Mental health

What Scares Me Because of Mental Illness

eyes showing fear
ghwtog on Pixabay

I came up with this list as part of my bullet journal.  I feel like there should be a lot more things on it, but this is what has jumped into my head thus far.

  • never getting well
  • not being able to get another nursing job
  • being forced to move for financial or other reasons
  • not having enough income to get by
  • losing my extended health insurance
  • having another failed suicide attempt
  • losing my independence
  • rejection
  • invalidation
  • not having anyone I feel safe with
  • being completely alone
  • and on a lighter note, various creepy crawlies that I’m not interested in naming

What scares you?

37 thoughts on “What Scares Me Because of Mental Illness”

  1. I think you hit everything on the head. My list matches your’s minus the creepy crawling things. Never thought of them, to be honest. I never wrote down my list, but I know that all of the above is on my mind constantly, that may have triggered my panic attack Monday.

  2. All valid. I would have to agree with you. But I can’t claim independence as I live with my mother. I do pay bills though. I was going to move out this year but now I’m not so sure

    1. I was thinking more along the lines of ability to take care of myself and do basic daily activities on my own. I definitely don’t want to end up in a care home at some point.

  3. I share many of these fears with you…. the fear of getting worse mentally so I can’t be with my kids and fiancé. To get sick in any other way etc….

      1. The fear is indeed there to stay, might be less in power but always in the unconscious part of the brain. To talk it to death is a huge helper and one day at the time. Good post❤️

  4. Yeah, I can sorta relate. I’m not concerned that I’ll never get well, except inasmuch as, “What if I wind up somewhere in the world, or in some situation, in which I don’t have access to my five psychiatric meds?” (If I’m ever undermedicated, just run fast and far… that’s what I tell people!) 😀

    You’ll never be completely alone as long as I’m at the computer! 🙂

      1. That actually offers me some comfort… I’ve never left the country, but I worry about things like, “Would my drugs go through customs?” ‘Cause I have no understanding of how such things work, ya know? But yeah, if you’ve had no issues, I guess it’s okay!! Great!!

  5. Let’s see…. I’m afraid of fire (particulary of being horrifically burned), medical personnel seeing me naked (total embarrassment), small dead animals (I shriek and run in the other direction when I see one on the street, so I totally get your creepy crawly issues!!), and winter (my seasonal issues are extreme).

    1. I can get the fire thing, especially after reading nervous 🙂 Trust me, whatever you’ve got going on a health professional has seen worse. I’m pretty anti-naked myself, but it amuses me how free some people are to show off their bits and pieces because I’m a nurse…. I find roadkill pretty icky, especially if I’m driving and see it last minute and don’t have time to swerve. Ugh.

  6. Seemed so wrong to like your post!
    My fears:
    1- that I remain trapped in this state of limbo
    2- that my mood plummets to crisis point
    3- that my husband dies (fairly certain if he does I will be right behind him, sorry kids)
    4- that my cancer comes back
    and then there’s a whole bunch of other stuff – mainly involving falling, being trapped or being in some kind of accident – lifts, car, bridges, falling trees landing on my car, any accidents involving transport, heart attack, cobwebs.

    Thinking next time I’m asked to complete the phobia questionnaire maybe I should confess! 😀
    What a cheery list!

  7. many of the same here. I’ll eventually have to move, and it’s a very scary thought. I finally, thankfully, have somewhere to go when the time comes. I went a long time without health insurance and finally have medicare, though it’s still rough coming up with the co-pays. I’m the youngest of my siblings (big age difference) so I do worry that when I’m older I’ll be all alone. I don’t have kids or a partner, so it’s pretty likely. I fear my health getting worse, both psych and physical.

  8. The fear that paralyses me from moving on in my life is that in trying to get ‘more’ I will lose what I have left. Despite the serious emotional damage from some of the things that have happened in my past I have come through relatively unscathed financially and physically. Nightmare scenario is finally getting to the point where I am okay with getting into a relationship again and then the guy gives me herpes, steals my life savings and burns my house down.

    1. The stealing life savings thing is something I think I haven’t been scared enough of in the past, and I’m so luckily I haven’t been screwed over royally.

  9. Losing my job, if job losses were to take effect in my department. There was talk of cuts just over a month ago. We are not affected yet and hopefully never will be, but for some one who has only been working months here, it made me feel nervous.

    Worrying whether I will ever get to live in a council property, where rent is more reasonable than renting private.

    Not having enough income to get by, unless I can get a second part-time job.

    Concerned if my feet ever play up again, the financial cost it could bring, as I would have to seek private care, because I am not eligible on the NHS, as I don’t fit into a category or age group.

    I don’t like creep crawlies, but never thought about it. I only react if in a situation that involves them.

    To find I have to go back on blood pressure tablets. This would feel a total set back for me.

    1. I think it makes it especially hard that a lot of these kinds of things are totally out of our control, like eligibility for health services. Sorry for the delayed response – WordPress has been acting up!

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