This has been a busy week for me. I mean that very much in a relative sense rather than an absolute sense, as I doubt anyone else looking at my calendar would use the term “busy” to describe it.
I have always found the cognitive symptoms of depression to be among the most disruptive to my overall functioning. When I’m really unwell it feels like I can’t think my way out of a paper bag. I tend to describe the effect on my thinking as “mashed potato brains”; it seems like a fairly apt analogy. My current depressive episode has stretched over the last year and a half, and the cognitive symptoms have ebbed and flowed over that time. When my thinking starts to get clearer I’m able to feel a bit of hope and optimism, but then a week like this week comes along.
It wouldn’t bother me as much if there was something stressful that triggered the decompensation (I use this psychiatry term because it’s the only one that comes to mind). That might seem logical. But no, I don’t have that excuse. I have just asked my brain to do a little bit of outside-the-routine thinking, and I get totally overwhelmed. Hello mashed potato brains. When I went on Pixabay to look for an image for this post, I couldn’t even remember how to spell potatoes (although I did realize that potatos looked a bit funny).
Just before I started writing this post, I was looking through my WordPress Reader feed, and I saw the post Losing My Mind on Travis and the Brain. I felt relieved – relieved that I’m not the only one losing my mind, and relieved that even if we’re drowning we can help pull each other out of the water.